KIAV Shocker: The Huffington Post Is A Histrionic Asshole

I know. I shouldn’t be calling names within Leftblogistan. I can’t help it. Here’s the headline:

Here’s the lede: Bill Clinton said Monday he was so impressed by his wife when they first started dating, he once tried to convince her she should dump him and focus on a political career of her own.

Didn’t you assume from the headline that the shocker was that Bill asked Hillary to dump him post-Monigate? Didn’t you expect some sort of actual revelation?

Come on now, Arianna. You are better than this, and so are your readers.

In other news.

I think the most important part of the 15-year-old comments by Republigoat “presidential” “candidate” Mike Huckabee regarding AIDS and quarantines is getting lost in the shuffle. The most important part of this hubbub to remember is that: Mike Huckabee is neither a doctor nor a medical scientist. So, fuck off, Mike Huckabee.

Charles Farthammer Strikes Again

For some reason, The Washington Post continues to employ Robert Novak, who publicly identified a covert CIA agent in the newspaper, and Charles Farthammer. The gist of Farthammer’s column today is that the war in Iraq is, um, “turning around,” and that Nancy Pelosi still says the policy is not werking.

Farthammer writes: “It does not have the drama of the Inchon landing or the sweep of the Union comeback in the summer of 1864. But the turnabout of American fortunes in Iraq over the past several months is of equal moment—a war seemingly lost, now winnable. The violence in Iraq has been dramatically reduced. Political allegiances have been radically reversed. The revival of ordinary life in many cities is palpable. Something important is happening.

“And what is the reaction of the war critics? Nancy Pelosi stoutly maintains her state of denial, saying this about the war just two weeks ago: ‘This is not working. . . . We must reverse it.’ A euphemism for ‘abandon the field,’ which is what every Democratic presidential candidate is promising, with variations only in how precipitous to make the retreat.”

Farthammer of course misses the mark from where I’m sittin’. But I reckon Charles Farthammer and I disagree on the most basic of premises. I don’t believe the Untied States of America had any business invading a sovreign nation had never threatened nor attacked. I assume that Charles Farthammer thought that was okay.

But Farthammer goes much further and works much harder to miss the point. Leaving Iraq is not a retreat. You can’t retreat from an occupation. It’s merely a withdrawal. Whatsmore, it’s not a defeat. It’s a strategy to win, to allow this country to sort out its shit without us as lightning rod. Bush’s occupation has had plenty of time. And now most Americans are behind getting the hell out. Hey. Charles Farthammer. I don’t think it’s the Speaker who’s in denial.

Note: hairy fishnuts wrote this post also, but better than I did ».

A14 – A 15

There are two stories buried in today’s The Washington Post that are must-reading, though it’s not to say that the in-depth look at the Blackwater company isn’t probably a good idea too.

Iraqis Decry U.S. Airstrike That Killed Civilians: The quotes are devastating, and the story highlights the notion that our presence there serves to escalate grief and rage. Interestingly enough, one of them echoes a sentiment that I’ve held for quite a while now: “Where can anybody be safe from Bush’s democracy?”

Putin Publicly Rebukes Rice, Gates on Foreign Policy Goals: There is so much absurdity in this story. The Untied States is still blathering on about missile defense, an unproven technology that we’ve spent billions building anyway, but our attempts to get Russia to consider such an option for Europe have led to a very public rebuke from Vladie Putin. From the tone of it, I’m surprised the man wasn’t beating his shoe on the dais. Squandered political capital, anyone?

Trampled Underfoot

I have heard it expressed several times this week by pundits and friends, and I hate to say that I agree, the the next governors of our fine nation have a lot of work to do just to get us back to the starting line. If you need any indication of how far gone is good government, all you need to observe is the current president’s latest veto. The man vetoed a popular, bi-partisan initiative to provide more children with basic health care, an intiative that even had support in the insurance industry, had support among Republigoats, had support among, oh, humans, and he vetoes it, comingling it in his own bizarre, hula-jawed fashion, with commienism. That is how badly off we are and how far and hard we will have to fight when President Obama takes office.

But it’s nice to see that Comedian Rush Limbaugh is on the ropes. Click that link there to see the entire thing via Media Matters, but this here’s the guts of it: Limbaugh says, “I called him a hero. I called him a hero. The other reference is to where the drive-by media runs in, blows things up, creates all these messes, and then heads on down the road to create another one. I called him a suicide bomber—you see how this works. I didn’t call anybody who legitimately serves a ‘phony soldier.’ I didn’t call this guy a suicide bomber.”

No, you disingenuous fuckpig? Then why select the specific metaphor you selected? “You know, this is such a blatant use of a valiant combat veteran, lying to him about what I said, then strapping those lies to his belt, sending him out via the media in a TV ad to walk into as many people as he can walk into.” No, disingenous fuckpig, you did not “call him a suicide bomber.” But you might be wise to indicate that you are sorry for using this unfortunate language, since, you know, Brian McCoff—McGough—it’s M-C-G-O-U-G-H—sustained his injuries due to a suicide bomber.

Does this big fat idiot forget that he’s ON THE RADIO?

Quick! Someone Get Scott Pelly A Google!

Someone needs to get Scott Pelly and a whole buncha other people a Google for their birthdays.

Five minutes of reading on the Google would have told the 60 Minutes dude whose interview of the President of Iran was on the TV Machine Sunday, that you’re wasting your breath talking to that guy about issues of war and peace.

See, Mr. I’m-A-Dinner-Jacket is not the commander-in-chief in Iran.

That would be Grand Ayatollah Ali Khamenei.

I for one tried to watch the Pelly piece and couldn’t even bear to sit through it. There’s Pelly on the telly, working hard as he can to do the current president’s bidding by drawing horns on this guy and pinning a tail on him. The whole exercise is so utterly foolish because what they’re really accomplishing is painting a big heroic red ‘S” on his chest and sending him home. We’ve really bungled this big dummy’s visit to the UN. We should have just let him come and go quietly without even paying it any notice.

You know. Like we did that Nouri Kamel Mohammed Hassan al-Maliki fella. Yeah. Did you know the Prime Minister of Iraq was in town this week, too? Go figure.

John Gibson’s Boner

I was walking down my street yesterday with my handy-dandy XM Inno radio, and, just for a lark, I thought I’d tune in to the Fox Noise channel and see how long it took for me to hear something that was batshit insane.

It happened instantly. Intstantly. Not even a moment passed before something crazy came falling out of the host’s mouth like Linda Blair shooting pea green soup. I don’t know why I was surprised. It was John Gibson, after all.

He was saying that he didn’t care about the Fourth Amendment, that the Fourth Amendment was no longer relevant, and that he was visualizing a judge on an aeroplane that was going down in flames, and the judge would be holding up a piece of paper and saying, well, at least the Fourth Amendment is intact, and then he egged on his callers and/or his audience, asking them, don’t you want MORE wire tapping? Don’t you?

John Gibson and I are very different people.

He must be positively giddy over the story in today’s The Washington Post, which confirms what Alboo Gonzoo seemed to be explaining to the Judiciary Committee, that the, um, “surveillance program,” was really part of a whole bunch of other cloak and dagger stuff without any oversight. Hey, Gibby! That’s called “proprism,” and it’s dangerous. You should see a doctor!

Should we not be sick to death of explaining this to these assholes? That there’s no reasonable person who wants to block reasonable surveillance by our intelligence gatherers? That we’d just like them to follow the Constitution of the Untied States when they do it? That we want our government to behave more like a trusted, accountable friend with integrity than some coked up loon wacking off in a dark closet while watching us through the slats?

I, for one, cannot wait until the details of what else they’ve had up their sleeves start to ooze out. What else have they been up to, what evil thing made the likes of John “Let The Eagle Soar” Ashcroft bristle? Are they digging in our dumpsters? Have they placed cameras in our toideys? Do Cylons look like us now?

It is extraordinary that a fellow like John Gibson gets paid to say on the radio that the Fourth Amendment is quaint and it’s Howard Stern who was fined for obscenity. Damnit, you don’t get to claim they hate us for their freedom with the same mouth you use to chew up and slobber on the Constitution with. You just don’t.

There is a REASON we require Judge Judy to look over Joe Friday’s shoulder—because sometimes, it’s not Joe Friday, but instead it’s Vin Makazian, or it’s Chief Wiggum. Just like there is a REASON we inspect meat, just like there is a REASON for the existence of OSHA and MSHA, just like there is a REASON that Congress needs to stop dicking around and impeach. Oversight is a good idea. Questioning authority is excellent. And trading these basic, fundamental, and wonderful values in like a few pages of Green Stamps because 19 morons crashed some aeroplanes into some buildings, well, that’s not victory. That’s not victory at all.

It’s surrender.

A somewhat famous fellow in these parts owes his acclaim to these words: “Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!”

To arms. To arms. But let’s stop being so god-damned stupid about it.

War Pigs

Television can ruin lots of things. Thanks to television, for instance, we snicker at Ozzy Osbourne these days and/or hold him simultaneously in esteemed affection. We forget that the man sang inspired protest lyrics once upon a time.

“Politicians hide themselves away. They only started the war. Why should they go out to fight? They leave that role to the poor, yeah. Time will tell on their power minds, making war just for fun. Treating people just like pawns in chess, wait till their judgement day comes, yeah.”

War pigs. Yeah. Who would have thought that one of the fellows we prayed for to get us out of this mess in 2004 would turn out to be one of the oinkiest stinkiest war pigs of them all? How many stars do you think McCain’s big hit “Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran” has in Lieberman’s iTunes listing?


Lieberman: I think we have to be prepared to take aggressive military action against the Iranians to stop them from killing Americans in Iraq.

Schieffer: Let’s just stop right there. Because I think you probably made some news here, Senator Lieberman. You’re saying that if the Iranians don’t let up, that the United States should take military action?

Lieberman: I am.

Schieffer: Wow, Joe Lieberman, you are one batshit crazy motherfucker. Why in the wide wide world of sports do we keep asking you to be on our program? 


If only. Instead, Schieffer was all all wink-wink and “Ha-ha! Whoa! I think you just made some news there, Skippy! Hold on there! Whoa!” Why are Schieffer and the other Sunday morning yappity-yappers still suffering fools like Lieberman? Why do the lame brains who brought you the immoral, illegal, foolish, and not to mention poorly executed invasion and occupation of a sovereign nation still have caché? How is it that Bill Kristol hasn’t been laughed off the edge of the flat Earth in which he and his ilk believe?

This is why it is vital to fill vital leadership positions now with candidates who were and have been always stone-cold opposed to the invasion of Iraq. It is why “If I’d known then what I know now” is simply not good enough, Hillary. We have slightly altered the pendulum’s path, but it is still lopsided and kicking over all the wrong posts. We need leaders unassailable in the path of the cold weird eyes of Joe Lieberman and his hawk allies, leaders who don’t need to cop to moral relativism, leaders who today resemble brilliant visionaries rather than political opportunists, who saw the bullshit and called it bullshit. Because even in the face of all the tons of evidence that the invasion of Iraq was wrong on its face, morally, practically, exestensially wrong, even with the polls where they are, even with the death tolls conveying ever-upward, the media still doesn’t get it, the Congress still doesn’t get it, and the current president, fuggetaboutit.

It’s all enough to lead one to understand why Ozzy bit the head off of that damned bird.

How Clamorous the Noise

I have just watched the knock-down dragout between broadcast professionals Geraldo Rivera and The Big Giant Head which apparently occurred recently on “The Big Giant Head Factor” on Fox Noise Channel. Since I do not watch the Fox Noise Channel, I caught it of course on the internets. Be warned. When you go to watch it, you will be convinced that you are about to witness a murder.

You see, apparently there’s this drunk driving case in sunny Virginia Beach where the fella what was driving was an illegal immigrant of the brown-skinned variety, and it’s not his first offense. Ted Baxter was angry because, in his opinion, this occurred because this gentleman was not escorted to the border and asked to leave after the first incident. Rivera countered that, perhaps, this actually occurred because the gentleman was imbibing alcohol and that his country of origin and immigration status were irrelevant.

HuffPo’s “Eat the Press” makes the conclusion from this that The Big Head is losing his mind. Though I hasten to point out that we knew this about him long ago. I personally wonder if this exchange gives us a larger picture of the state of morale at the Fox Noise Channel.  

Dude. You’ve got to watch this thing. Geraldo’s got blood in his eyes. The vein in his forehead throbs. You can tell. He is doing everything in his power not to commit murder on national television. It’s a beautiful thing, cathartic in a way, to see someone so express what The Big Head can inspire with his hypocrisy and his Archie Bunker compartmentalizing of the world and his cherrypicking and his bullshit.

It just makes me think, when two “broadcast professionals” who have already made the concession to work for the Fox Noise Channel go at one another like pit bulls in a jelly jar; and when the voice of reason through that broadcast is the fella what promised to shave off his mustache if Michael Jackson had been convicted; well, how much longer until the Fox Noise Channel shakes apart at the seams? Eh?  

How To Know A Republigoat Is Lying:

Their lips are moving.

Witness the White House’s recent attempt to do the Jane Fonda (and no, not in a Mickey Avalon kinda way, more like in a swift vote betterans for shit kind of way) on House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

Via Bloomberg:

“March 30 (Bloomberg)—A White House spokeswoman denounced a plan by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to visit officials in Syria as part of a trip to the Middle East.

“Pelosi’s outreach to a state sponsor of terrorism is a ‘really bad idea,’ White House spokeswoman Dana Perino said at a briefing in Washington. ‘Someone should take a step back and think about the message that it sends and the message that it sends to our allies.’

Perino’s remarks come as a group of Republican lawmakers has embarked on their own trip to Syria. Michael Lowry, a spokesman for Representative Robert Aderholt, said that the Alabama lawmaker will visit Syria as part of a Republican delegation led by Representative Frank Wolf, a Virginia Republican. Wolf is the top Republican on the House appropriations subcommittee that funds the State Department.

“Perino wasn’t available to comment about that trip.”

Of course she wasn’t.

To make matters worse, the “liberal media” is just conspiring with the White House in this attempt to turn the leader of the peoples’ house into “Damascus Nancy.” Click on this here to see Media Matters’ coverage of CNN’s Suzanne Malveaux’s failure to be a journalist. 

Don’t let ’em do it, kids. There is nothing out of the ordinary about a congressional delegation to Syria. The only reason for the White House to bark about this is that these assholes don’t believe that anyone with the “D” in front of their names has any right to govern, and that they therefore have the right to do a Jane Fonda on her. Next water cooler you’re standing next to and the fella intimates that Nancy Pelosi is somehow unpatriotic for visiting Syria, punch him in the stomach. He deserves it for being such a booger eating moron.