Michele Bachmann For President

Today, I am convinced that the number-one threat to a second-term Obama has at last been unleashed. And I do not mean this in an ironic sort of “gee I wish this would happen because it’d be so good for us” kind of way. I mean this like really.

I believe that the Republigoats have today unleashed the person who will be their nominee in 2012, and I believe that Michele Bachmann is a serious contender and, indeed, the perfect candidate for the GOOP in this election year.

First, you gotta read Matt Taibibibiibiiibiiiibiibi’s article in The Rolling Stone. Let me steal the lynch graph for ya:

Even other Republicans, it seems, are making the mistake of laughing at Bachmann. But consider this possibility: She wins Iowa, then swallows the Tea Party and Christian vote whole for the next 30 or 40 primaries while Romney and Pawlenty battle fiercely over who is the more “viable” boring-white-guy candidate. Then Wall Street blows up again — and it’s Barack Obama and a soaring unemployment rate versus a white, God-fearing mother of 28 from the heartland.

Do what they want, be who they are, it can’t matter less because often it’s timing and events that can collapse all over an incumbent. Ask George H.W. Bush. Hell, ask Barack Obama. As much hopey-changey shit as he discussed and as powerful as the momentum was behind him, let’s face it, his victory would not have been nearly as decisive had the economy not gone all Demon Drop on us precisely when it did.

Imagine Michele Bachmann as the nominee and unemployment is still at 9.x percent.

And don’t poo-poo the notion that Bachmann couldn’t grab the nomination. As Matt Taibibibiibiiibiiiibiibi points out, she is nearly physically constructed to win presidential primaries. And in 2008, Republigoats were presented with a new political model that made them as hot as the little girls who used to scream at the Beatles: Prudence Palin, moronic, spunky, winky hockey mom placed a heartbeat away or better. Republigoats LOVE this model. The 2008 election caused them to become not only imbued to it but to be besotted by it. But they are well aware though they’d not say it aloud unless only in a room alone with a mirror that Palin herself is now political quicksand. How fortunate that they’ve got a candidate for 2012 who can preserve this fantastic personality cult model for them.

And if you’re the Republigoat party, isn’t this the year to throw deep? Isn’t 2012, when you’re faced with a tough incumbent and nobody expects you to even SHOW in a two person race, isn’t that the time when you throw the pasta at the wall? Isn’t that the time to let your better pitchers spend a little more time in the bullpen and instead put that cockeyed motherfucker on the mound who beaned six batters last week but what the hell? Am I extending this analogy a bit too far? Yes?

Besides that, you’ve got a guy in office now who has been either wrong and/or absent on at least two major domestic issues that are at the heart of the core of the center of the thing to his base. He’s certainly quite a lot wrong and absent on equal rights for all including our gay friends and neighbors. And he’s certainly been absent on labor issues.

By the way, isn’t it interesting that people do a lot of clucking these days about how we need more jobs in America, but they don’t barely hardly blink their eyes when labor takes state buildings in protest of onerous, destructive legislation that only serves to make it more impossible for workers to do the work required to preserve jobs? Hello?

Democrats, led by Barack Obama, have as usual let the freakishly extroverted golfers known as Republigoats drive the discussion. So now all we’ve been talking about regarding fixing the economy has been about how much government ought to tax and how much government ought to spend. And then workers set up tent cities in Madison and wow, what a golden opportunity to change the focus of that discussion to jobs and labor and jobs and jobs and jobs, and when does Air Force touch down in Wisconsin? Oh. Never? We’re not going to see the presnit in shirtsleeves shaking hands with the Local 75*? When we’re…trying to get people talking about jobs instead of lying out their asses about taxes? Really?

It occurs to me that it is worth mentioning that the Obama Presidency has been incredibly effective. True. But it has also been surprisingly underwhelming. And, I think, if it does not begin to bring that funky fire, as Sen. Bernie Sanders has today insisted that it do, it is setting the stage for the perfect storm that could lead to a Bachmann Presidency.

If it’s a fact I believe it.

*Plumbers Union Local 75. A meeting I think would be simply delicious. See “The Plumber, Joe” for further reference.

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