Kerry Should Be Fitted For A Muzzle

It was terrific to see John Kerry all plucky on Halloween. Terrific. Stunning, it was. Almost Bill Clinton-Chris Wallace redux. Still, though. It doesn’t hardly count when your courage comes to you while you’re busy mopping up your own brain vomit.   

“Education, if you make the most of it and you study hard and you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.”

As they say on Grey’s Anatomy: Seriously?

Noting first that the adjective “botched” these days most often modifes the subject “boob job,” it is worth noting second exactly how many things were wrong with John F. Kerry’s  “botched joke.” For starters, even if he hadn’t have stepped on it, it wouldn’t have been funny.

It’s not funny anymore to say that George W. Bush is stupid. It’s especially not funny if you’re the man he vanquished to acquire another go at residency in the White House. It’s also not funny anymore because the chimp’s stupidity has led to such an awesome tragedy. Pointing out that George W. Bush is occassionally prone to malapropisms or that he was a C student is like telling a pollack joke or watching Eddie Murphy’s “Raw.” 

However. John Kerry did step on it, and how. In his indignant press conference, Kerry acted as if nobody in his right mind could have construed from his comments what the press secretary claimed to have construed. Ballocks. It’s right there on its face. You have to run it through a filter to get what Kerry meant to say, not to get what he said. The White House did no heavy lifting whatsoever to haul all that sweet ammunition in. Kerry just handed it to them, they said “thanks,” and they used it.

There should be no surprise about this, of course. This is John Kerry’s M.O. He was for it before he was against it. He’d fight a sensitive war on terror. Let’s go snowboarding. Shall I hold the door for you, George?

Don’t get me wrong. It’s good to see John Kerry all plucky and mean. We need more articulate Democrats to stand up and look all stern and say things like “if anyone owes our troops in the fields an apology, it is the president and his failed team…” and “enough is enough” and so on. That’s precisely what we need to do. But John Kerry—let’s put it this way: He had one hell of an audition, but he didn’t get invited to Hollywood. He should take a page from failed presidential candidate Al Gore. Grow a beard. Get fat. Stay away from microphones. Refect a while. Then come back and be Thomas friggin’ Paine.

I want John Kerry in a muzzle. I don’t want him running for President. I don’t want him speaking. Just show up to the Senate to vote, then go home. Good boy.  

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