John Gibson’s Boner

I was walking down my street yesterday with my handy-dandy XM Inno radio, and, just for a lark, I thought I’d tune in to the Fox Noise channel and see how long it took for me to hear something that was batshit insane.

It happened instantly. Intstantly. Not even a moment passed before something crazy came falling out of the host’s mouth like Linda Blair shooting pea green soup. I don’t know why I was surprised. It was John Gibson, after all.

He was saying that he didn’t care about the Fourth Amendment, that the Fourth Amendment was no longer relevant, and that he was visualizing a judge on an aeroplane that was going down in flames, and the judge would be holding up a piece of paper and saying, well, at least the Fourth Amendment is intact, and then he egged on his callers and/or his audience, asking them, don’t you want MORE wire tapping? Don’t you?

John Gibson and I are very different people.

He must be positively giddy over the story in today’s The Washington Post, which confirms what Alboo Gonzoo seemed to be explaining to the Judiciary Committee, that the, um, “surveillance program,” was really part of a whole bunch of other cloak and dagger stuff without any oversight. Hey, Gibby! That’s called “proprism,” and it’s dangerous. You should see a doctor!

Should we not be sick to death of explaining this to these assholes? That there’s no reasonable person who wants to block reasonable surveillance by our intelligence gatherers? That we’d just like them to follow the Constitution of the Untied States when they do it? That we want our government to behave more like a trusted, accountable friend with integrity than some coked up loon wacking off in a dark closet while watching us through the slats?

I, for one, cannot wait until the details of what else they’ve had up their sleeves start to ooze out. What else have they been up to, what evil thing made the likes of John “Let The Eagle Soar” Ashcroft bristle? Are they digging in our dumpsters? Have they placed cameras in our toideys? Do Cylons look like us now?

It is extraordinary that a fellow like John Gibson gets paid to say on the radio that the Fourth Amendment is quaint and it’s Howard Stern who was fined for obscenity. Damnit, you don’t get to claim they hate us for their freedom with the same mouth you use to chew up and slobber on the Constitution with. You just don’t.

There is a REASON we require Judge Judy to look over Joe Friday’s shoulder—because sometimes, it’s not Joe Friday, but instead it’s Vin Makazian, or it’s Chief Wiggum. Just like there is a REASON we inspect meat, just like there is a REASON for the existence of OSHA and MSHA, just like there is a REASON that Congress needs to stop dicking around and impeach. Oversight is a good idea. Questioning authority is excellent. And trading these basic, fundamental, and wonderful values in like a few pages of Green Stamps because 19 morons crashed some aeroplanes into some buildings, well, that’s not victory. That’s not victory at all.

It’s surrender.

A somewhat famous fellow in these parts owes his acclaim to these words: “Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!”

To arms. To arms. But let’s stop being so god-damned stupid about it.

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