That's the Way God Planned It

Hal Sparks guest-hosting for Stephanie this morning offered a fascinating Michael Jackson bit today: You know the chorus in “Smooth Criminal?” “Annie are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, Annie?” You know where he got that?

Ever take a CPR course?

When I remember where I was when I first heard about Michael Jackson’s death, I will remember just being in my little kitchen trying to busy myself while waiting for the arrival of PB for the weekend. That is all. I switched on the kitchen TV for a little Hardballs. And I yelped at the headline.

I don’t know why. His death at 50 should be no surprise—a person who voluntarily has 5/8 of his head’s cartilage removed isn’t going to live to be 95. I have always believed that Jackson angered the Muses by scarfing up the Beatles’ catalog, and that all of his misfortune can be attributed to their wrath upon him. At any time, had Jackson simply returned the catalog free of charge to Sir Paul, his boils would disappear, his wealth would return, his schnoz would grow back, and he would have a brand new family to boot.

I listened intently to “Thriller.” I was in junior high school when it was released, and it and Talking Heads’ “Speaking in Tongues” were in high rotation on my turntable. It is one of the most comprehensively good collections of music ever produced. This is a scientific fact.

But still, I don’t understand why people weren’t this bent out of shape when Billy Preston died. (I sure was.)

Now, as Papa Bonk has indicated: Can we get back to the news? Please?

Note to Hal Sparks: No, no, Hal. Michael Jackson had a hyperbaric chamber. CONGRESS has a hyperbolic chamber. Two of them, actually…

Caption Challenge

David Kurtz at TPM has offered a caption challenge. I am a sucker for these. However, there is no way to register there now, so I cannot submit it to them. Too bad. I have a killer.

The photo is below. You may have at it in comments.

O: Hey. Hill. Repeat after me, okay? “Let’s get everybody together.”

H: Sigh.

O: No, seriously. We’re doing this. “Let’s get everybody together.”

H: Let’s get everybody together.

O: “Let’s get unified.”

H: Let’s get unified.

O: “The sky will open, the light will come down.”

H: Oh, come on, Barry.

O: Hey! What’d I say about that “Barry” shit? Now, say it.

H: The sky will open, the light will come down.

O: “Celestial choirs will be singing.”

H: Barack, how many times do we have to do this?


So the Obamas are going to have Bo with them everywhere they go when they travel rather than kenneling him.

This is due to the ban on Portuguese Water boarding.

(Stolen on the Tweeter @delrayser…)


Everybody's Got Something To Hide

The Huffington Post has created a brief but useful photo album of vastly incompetent photo opportunties this week out of the McWeirdsmile campaign. This one is my personal favorite:

Now. As Keith says. Let’s play Oddball.

Chimp Steals Gun From Zookeeper In Japan
A chimp in Japan escaped the sweltering confines of his cage, and a zookeeper with a tranquilizer gun proved no match for this feisty animal. The zookeeper can be seen peeking his head and rifle over the ledge of the roof on which the chimp was resting before quickly crouching down, sensing the chimp had noticed him. The chimp pounced on the ledge, grabbing the barrel of the zookeeper’s tranquilizer gun and snatching it away, leaving the poor human defenseless.

Headline should have read “Zookeeper Faced By Chimp.” I for one wonder if said zookeeper later committed seppuku…