Well, That Was Some Weird Shit

“Time for a shower.”

This was the last line I typed into my personal journal at about 1:30 p.m. today. Previous to this, I had summarized some of what was going on in Congress on the TV.

I think the joint session approved a couple of states, and then they got an objection submitted in writing for Arizona. Now they’re debating.

Preznit Carnage One-Term Loser is seeing “0-12” in the chyron right now and going “See? I won! Look! See? I won! Yippee!”

Little did I know.

My ablutions complete, I came back to my tube, expecting to witness an annoying, unnecessary, drawn out legislative process led by an extremist sect, to question some of the already most thoroughly-vetted national election results ever. I un-muted—I had muted the television when Ted Cruz was on, which I think is perfectly understandable—but I was ready and looking forward to it.

And then, the weird shit began to happen.

I was watching MSNBC (because of course I was). The pool cameras went to mute. Some in the chamber started gesturing weirdly. Vice-Preznit Pence was rushed out of the room. People started dashing around. At some point, official looking people rushed in. Soon, the reports limped in. The Capitol was being invaded. The safety of our Congress-critters was in question. They all went on lockdown. I’ve never seen the sweet, sweet Katy Tur every sound so upset.

(What? I have a crush. Who doesn’t?)

That was a tough spot for me. Because I was feeling horrified and really really sad for my country. And because, right at that time is when I usually start logging into my tools for my day job.

I don’t mind telling you that I momentarily considered calling in. And I do not call in unless I’m dead.

But I got it together for the job but kept an eye on the TV and an ear on another longtime media crush of mine, the one and only Randi Rhodes. And hearing her familiar voice freaking out right along with me, well, it helped.

Anyway, I can’t help but think about Charlottesville. Remember Charlottesville? “Unite the Right?” Buncha honkies marching with tiki-torches uttering nonsense concerns about “Jews” “replacing” “us?” Heather Danielle Heyer assassinated by automobile? Yeah. Doesn’t the energy of that day feel a teeny little bit like the same energy surrounding today’s violent and terrifying assault on the Capitol?

Charlottesville was in August 2017. That’s eight months following the inauguration of Preznit Carnage Sippycup Is The New Black. A whipped up crowd of undeservedly or misled angry white people with violent, destructive intentions seems to be an inevitable result of having this person as our chief executive. This seems to be his magick. Even if one doesn’t think in terms of magick or energy, it certainly is telling that events that have the spittin’ image of a putsch will bookmark this presidency in its legacy.

Notwithstanding some miracle, he has 13 days left. Buckle up.

Ha Ha Ho Ho Hee Hee

A simple observation this morning.

To be a Republigoat, you have to have supported the guy who was President of the Untied States of America on September 11, 2001.

And now, you have to despise the guy who was President of the Untied States of America on the day that we shot Osama bin Laden in his eye.

These people must have tremendous coping skills. It’s a miracle most of them aren’t fetal and shivering in the corner and throwing their own shit at people.

Republigoats Are Crazy

Chris Matthews: The sky is blue.
Rick Lazio: No it isn’t.
Chris Matthews: Yes it is. Look up at it.
Rick Lazio: Don’t tell me what to do.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Appearances like this confirm my theory that being a Republigoat is either a mental illness or a poison brought upon a person by a rusty, jagged suppository that is jammed up someone’s ass and that dispells bad ideas, poop, Ayn Rand “literature” and lust for tall lanky Adam’s apple “females.” Although my more serious theory is that these people are crazy because their chosen politics requires them to stick up for the “President” who got caught with his pants down on September Eleventh.

This is some crazy shit.

Makes Sense to Me

A few basics that make sense to me. I dunno.

  • Large businesses do not necessarily want to get larger. Often, their goal is actually to become smaller. Small businesses, however, are often eager to grow. And by “become smaller,” I mean “fire people,” and by “grow” I mean “hire people.” This is what people mean when they say that small businesses are where job growth occurs. So the legislators who blocked the small business legislation really screwed us.
  • The most efficient economic stimulus remedies are food stamps and unemployment because these burn holes in peoples’ pockets. People do not bank food stamps. They spend them. And when your local grocer’s cash flow is looking better, he might be more inclined to hire a couple of more baggers. So the legislators who blocked the unemployment extensions really screwed us.
  • If you give a CEO a choice between investing excess profit back into his business or giving his excess profit to Uncle Sam, he will prefer to invest it back into his business. But, if you give a CEO a choice between investing excess profit back into his business or shoving it into his own fat greasy pockets, he’s going to choose to do the latter every time. Once upon a time, this country incentivised the former. Today, we incentivise the latter, and the legislators who are suggesting that we extend the “Busch tax cuts” want to continue this and are therefore really screwing us.
  • If the Busch tax cuts were so magically good for our economy, then why are we in the shitter? These tax cuts are actually horrible for the economy, they leave the U.S. treasury empty, and, unlike investment in infrastructure, they do not actually create jobs, nor do they leave anything useful behind. The legislators who are suggesting that we extend the “Busch tax cuts” are really screwing us.

The Bottom Line On Racism

I just wanna say this because it boggles my mind.

Racism is more than just one guy calling another guy a bad name because of his hue.

Racism is the power that insult hurled has because of the history and because of the institutionalization that makes that power possible.

Racism is 400 years of black people allowed to be owned and another 100 years of black people allowed to be sorely mistreated. It’s a society that would not allow black people to learn how to read, to dine with the rest of us, to worship with the rest of us, to live with the rest of us. These conditions did not happen between individual people. These conditions happened because powerful institutions colluded to make it so, on purpose.

So here’s the fact that I wish all people could understand about racism: Black people cannot be racists.

Let me say this again in another way so that you might understand it better: If you are a black person in this country, you cannot possibly be a racist.

Because when white people mount up with the armor of racism, it’s a powerful mace indeed that they grasp, and it’s one that no African-American can even reach out to touch. Sorry, white people, but “honky” just isn’t drenched with hundreds of years of oppression and terror like that other word is.

So. The next time you hear Buchanan or any of these other jive turkeys on the television, and they’re accusing Shirley Sherrod—whom I am officially applying today to adopt as my third Grandma—or the NAACP or the Rev. Al Sharpton or whomever of being a “racist?”

They’re putting their stupid white foot into their stupid white mouth.

Stop Confusing Us With Facts!

The safest cities in these Untied States of America, that is, the cities with the lowest violent crime rates, are: San Diego, Phoenix, Austin, and El Paso.

All of these are cities that border Mexico.

One of them is the capital of the state that recently passed a law you might have heard about.

The Arizona law is nonsense. As we’ve covered here at KIAV before, this oft-repeated notion that “the federal government isn’t doing anything about illegal immigration” is utter horsey-poo. And may I amend the conclusion of my April 30 post to include “oil gushers of apocalyptic proportions?”

Papersss! Papersss Please!

Quick! Prove you’re a citizen of the United States.

Whether you’re white or brown or green with webbed toes, let’s go, smart guy. Prove that you’re a citizen.

I’ll bet you a dollar that like 80 percent of the people in this country would not be able to do that.

And I bet you’re one of them. And I suggest you get your papers in order. Because the Stasi wants a word with you.

Now. Let’s talk about a commentor I’ve just approved. He/she wrote:

I ask this not for the sake of argument, but because I am curious as to why you think it is okay for people to be in this country illegally. Illegally being the key word. Do you appreciate paying for their healthcare and children, and everything else, while you struggle to make ends meet? Would the same courtesies be extended to you if you went to Mexico or any other country? What is your solution to this problem besides a boycott?

Break it down:

I ask this not for the sake of argument, but because I am curious as to why you think it is okay for people to be in this country illegally.

I don’t.

Illegally being the key word.

Heard you the first time, sunshine.

Do you appreciate paying for their healthcare and children, and everything else, while you struggle to make ends meet?

This is your first visit here to Ketchup Is A Vegetable, isn’t it?

Would the same courtesies be extended to you if you went to Mexico or any other country?

Perhaps not. But the United States of America is supposed to be better than that.

What is your solution to this problem besides a boycott?

What needs done, Sanchez, is to shut down employers who hire undocumented workers. Take away the work and you take away the jerks. And I don’t even think you’d have to ante up the regs to do that; all Uncle Sam would have to do is to start again enforcing what’s on the books.

We here at Crack Whores for Good Government have never denied that there’s a problem. And, like many other of the societal ills that plague these Untied States of America, that ill can be traced back to a core, rotted central nervous system of a problem, that being the sickening prelevance of unwaivering faith in fetid greed, in a puzzling belief that we can only be saved by purely unfettered captialism on steroids. Ronuld Raygun stopped cracking down on employers for hiring undocumented workers because he somehow believed that the market would just do the trick on its own. Guess wha happen?

All this law manages to do, Grimy, is to empower—nay, to require—Arizona law enforcement officers to harrass and terrify the majority of brown people in its midst who are in the country legally. It is also a horrible law because of its incredible potential for abuse and mission creep. You don’t just think you pass a law suspending requirements on probable cause and just have it apply to Spanish-speakers, do you? You don’t think a cop who really wants that bust but doesn’t quite have all of his i’s dotted isn’t going to use this thing to improperly arrest a couple of caucasian stoners, too? Or that this legislation will put a bunch of actually innocent people behind bars because Arizona courts can now deem concerns of “search and seizure” to be quaint?

This is a horrible law, it is nothing more nor less than fascism writ large. And you will see confirmation of the horrendous aspect of this legislation, either when it is struck down like Sonny Liston by the Supreme Court, or when some cop has his baton wedged hard against the back of your neck with your temple and cheek eating concrete.

Do not think a law like this is just for “them.” It can’t be.

If Only…

If only there were a real-life example of what happens when a community decides to start treating its minority population like shit, violating their constitutional rights by pulling them over demanding proof of residency without cause and so-forth, you know, like the state of Arizona is about to do, like, if there were perhaps dire economic consequences of such an action, as in, half your county moves out and takes their economic power with them. If only there were such a real-life example, and if only someone had thought to make a movie of said example.

By the way, in the middle of this trailer, a woman stands at the mic and says the following:

I would just like to say and I mean this very sincerely, don’t ever forget 9/11. And who was responsible for 9/11? Illegals. God bless America.


Jesus Christ.

I Have Two Words For Fans Of This Facebook Page

The Facebook group is called thus:


And the two words I have for you assholes is thus:

President Biden.

Which would be okay with me, but I see a few of you just shit your pants in the corner there.

How stupid are you people?