I think I have mentioned here at KIAV before that I have an uncle what used to be my aunt, three years my senior so he’s always been more of a brother than an aunt, er, uncle. On the family e-mail liszt recently, Uncle J. Bonk, who is an entreprenuer with his own business, offered a glimpse of an enormous frustration in that life. I asked him if I could share it here, and he said, and I quote, “It’s the facts Jack.”
I have worked on this a lot in my life, giving up “being right” about politics and trying to come from a place where I trust that in the hearts of my family members who vote for people like George Bush that you all feel like you are truly doing what is best for our country and for yourselves.
Still, I have to say that it continues to be a struggle for me. The issues that I am passionate about are personal because they literally affect me personally.
Equal rights and health care are top on my list.
In America, because I haven’t had any surgery below the waist, I am considered female, and therefore my wife Jessica and I are NOT legally married, nor do we have access to a civil union that is recognized nationally. Therefore I am not covered under her health insurance.
So in my world, those of you that are heterosexual and whose marriages are valid and who therefore receive benefits like healthcare coverage are receiving rights that I think I should have. Equal. Not special. Just the same as everyone else.
Currently, I don’t have health insurance because I can’t afford to buy a private policy. I can’t be covered under Jessica’s insurance, so I go without it. Yes, I could go get a job with benefits but if I was a “Real Man,” I wouldn’t have to. I would be covered under Jessica just like every heterosexual person on the planet.
How is that fair? And furthermore, how am I to NOT take it personally? It is personal.
Right now, Jessica and I have been trying to get her pregnant for over a year. We officially now are considered to have fertility issues. Unfortunately, there is no fertility treatment that is covered under her insurance because she is not married. If she was legally married to a man, there would be NO issue and the doctors and insurance companies would be bending over backwards to help her get pregnant. But she is NOT married, so NO fertility treatment is covered.
We have started to think about adoption. However, because we are not considered legitimate as a couple, we will most likely NOT be able to adopt together. Jessica will have to adopt as single mom, which means that if there is a heterosexual couple who wants the child they will get top priority over Jessica. I will most likely NOT be considered at all.
So you see, I don’t share about politics because it is personal to me. When you vote for people like George Bush who want to make it a Constitutional amendment that essentially secures the idea that Jessica and I will NEVER be recognized as a couple, I find it hard to get past it. And in my opinion John McCain is basically a George Bush twin pushing “family values” which does nothing to bring the country together, but does everything to insure that Jessica and I will not be able to have a family.
Maybe some of you could share with me how I might come to NOT take it all so personally. I’ve tried my best, but so far it still comes out feeling very personal to me.
I think Uncle Bonk’s story effectively illustrates a whole mess of the ongoing current American dysfunction. If your gender I.D. or even just your sexual orientation isn’t “normal,” and if you insist on putting a shingle out, then screw*. You’re on your own. One thing universal health care would achieve would be a vigorous encouragement of small entrepreneurs like my Uncle, and small business is essential to the American economy. Vote Obama dammit.
By the way, if you need a good life coach, click here. He’s one of the best.
* Yes, I do watch Rescue Me. Big fan. Why do you ask?