Why The Hell Would Anyone Want To Be A Democrat?

I am trying this fine day to figure out why in the wide wide world of sports any politician in these Untied States would want to be a Democrat.

If Anthony Weiner were a Republigoat, his party, his media, and his electorate would all be circling the wagons around him and his penis. They’d be excoriating his accusers and their partisan attacks. They’d be calling Anthony Weiner “heroic.” Fox “News” dunce Steve Doocy would be awkwardly complimenting in the Fox and Friends between-story patter. “Look at the size of that thing,” he’d say, “you know, they say it’s the girth, not the length, know what I mean, Gretchen?”

That’s what they do. They circle their wagons. They work tirelessly to re-truth and to re-blame. They hold fundraisers (as Rachel Maddow pointed out last night that they have done recently for David Witter, a married man who has paid numerous women to engage in sexual relations with him). And while we may despise their sleazy tactics, we might stand to learn a little from them.

Weiner’s own party is slamming elbows on his esophagus even as he’s back-down on the mat. As of this writing, eight congressional Democrats have called for his resignation. But it’s not just his party, it’s the press outlets that usually cheer for Weiner and his steadfast fight for progressive values: Ned Schultz is on his air every day this week with his hockey-dad-forehead-vein screaming that Weiner should resign, and many other members of the similar press are quickly following suit.

I’ve heard an odd comparison made between this and the Clinton business. Clinton wasn’t called on to resign, they keep saying, and he didn’t, look how that turned out, he was a pretty good president.

Except. That he was called on to resign. First among the calls came from his own party. From Moe Lie-berman.

This is what WE do. One of our own gets into trouble, even the Big Kahuna, and we roll down with our elbows and work to put that mofo’s shoulders to the ground.

Do you ever wonder why Republigoats are always able to get perfect party votes in our legislatures, and why for the Democrats it’s like herding cats?

If you’re a Republigoat, you know and you know damned well that if you screw up, if you fondle that little boy, if you take it out on the subway, if you’re caught with a million dollars in your freezer, you will have the full aparatus of the Republigoat Party, including cash, influence, legal protection, and media, at your back. They will rewrite history, they will buy judges, they will turn the world the other way on its axis like Superman to get you and your ugly-ass sedan out of that ditch. That’s incentive.

What the Anthony Weiner episode proves to Democrats in office and those looking to win elected office is that if you get into trouble, your party aparatus is set up more to jump in and help tightening the screws rather than to circle the wagons around you.

Why in hell would anyone run as a Democrat after this?

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