Bad Naked

First, for the record, yes, The Howard Stern Show was responsible for the gentleman screaming about “Arnold’s love child.” Ladies and gentlemen, the comedy stylings of Benjy Bronk. Mr. Bronk, your work has been recognized here at the imaginary think tank of Weiner Weiner Weiner and Weiner.

Second, in the “even Richard Gere got tired of Cindy Crawford after a while, but wha?” file: You might vaguely recall her. Huma Abedin. If you were an observer of the 2008 run for President of one Hillary R. Clinton, then you know who Huma Abedin is, even vaguely, at the back of your mind, if you think about it for a minute, you remember this sort of mysterious, beautiful, brown-eyed woman at the fringes of that campaign? Maybe?

Yeah. THAT Huma Abedin. That’s this clown’s wife. That’s who was in the bedroom waiting for this idiot while he was posing shirtless in his den for his own phone camera. That alone is enough to make you all like shut the front door Anthony Weiner!

But look. Here’s another thing. Men. Please listen.

As most of us have come to understand, there is an episode of “Seinfeld” that covers every situation in life. At work for
us here now is an excellent example of this. Visit the episode known as “The Apology.” From the wiki:

Jerry begins dating Melissa (Kathleen McClellan), a woman who is comfortable being naked in his apartment in nonsexual contexts. She walks naked into the kitchen to eat waffles and is also naked while playing board games. While George is envious, Jerry soon grows uncomfortable with Melissa’s quirk. He finds her unattractive when she does anything naked that involves her muscles contracting. Eventually, Jerry tries casual nudity himself, but Melissa does not support male nudity (“bad naked”). Elaine later explains that the female body is art while the male body is just utility.

Dear Anthony Weiner, dear Chris Lee, you can shave and primp and pump your pecs all you like, but gentlemen, please be advised that were humans peafowl, you would be the hens, not the cocks.

(You see what I did there?)

You stupid assholes are already national legislators. You already wear nice looking suits and get to vote on things and go to fund raisers and stuff. THAT IS YOUR PLUMMAGE you dumb asses. That is how you rock out with it out; you do it every day in your very jobs, and you do not need to take the pathetic path to do it with your stupid cell phone cameras. You are pea-hens, my friends, so put on your best drab feathers and play your roles. You have the best tools at hand that can be given to an American boy to chase tail, namely money, power, and really nice suits, and you resort to the MyFace and the Twatter?

Pa. The. Tic.

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