We Tried That Already. It Didn’t Work.

Every time I hear one of these TP wackadoodles talk about how we need to lessen the reach of the federal government and how the federal government is only supposed to provide an army or whatnot, I can’t help but wonder what the hell history classes they had growing up. Because one of the first lessons I think you ever learn once you start studying history is that, guess what, buttmunch, this notion of a strictly limited federal government and then the states individually get to decide everything else? WE TRIED THAT ALREADY. IT DIDN’T WORK.

That was the model created by the First Continental Congress. It was called the “Articles of Confederation,” and it went into effect in 1781. This form of government made it impossible to negotiate treaties or to create money that was worth anything. We weren’t able to protect our markets (not that such a thing means a shit anymore, of course), and land values went into the toidey because there was no national government to defend the land. This form of government lasted FIVE YEARS, and then they came to their senses and realized that a strong central government was NECESSARY. The Annapolis Convention convened and led right up to sunny Philadelphia. And that’s how a bill becomes a law.

We tried a flimsy central government. It didn’t work. And that’s not my liberal supposition. It’s a historical fact. You people are mentally ill. Government is good. STFU. Eat Snacky Smores.

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