Pope, GOOP. GOOP, Pope.
Back in the 1960s, the GOOP discovered its path to power lay in attracting white bigots and Southern racists into the party. This process was known as the “southern strategy” which was a polite way of saying that the Party of Lincoln had realized the value of race baiting and bigotry to win elections.
By 1980, the GOOP had its game down. It took office in 1980 with the help of phony (black) welfare queens. In 1988, it enlisted Willie Horton to scare hell out of suburban housewives and cement its alliance with the southern states. Along the way, the GOOP discovered that hate in general is a good political strategy, so they took up hatred of immigrants and queers and others who are not lilly white.
Now comes the Catholic Church, losing membership at a steady and disheartening rate, looking for a merger to boost its human capital. The Church, of course, has been on an anti-queer campaign for centuries…despite the fact that its own catacombs are chock full of the bones of homosexuals who served the church well. And more recently, the Church has lent its considerable treasure to defeating equal rights for the GLBT community in California, and is a power behind the efforts to deny GLBT marriage rights in Maine.
So, where better to look for a merger partner than the failed Anglicans who are fleeing their church in droves for fear of having to rub elbows with gay and/or female ministers, bishops … or heaven forbid… happily married gay couples! So, does the Vatican have a deal for those guys. An easy conversion process, no questions asked, 500 years of history forgiven in an instant. Come on back! The Pope hates queers too!! And women ministers? Forget about it!! Mary Magdelene was a slut!
Not only that…and this is the really good part…the Pope is willing to let Anglican ministers keep their wives. No married queers, but married priests. I suspect they are thinking that’s how their other problem (you know with all those priests swiving those little boys) started to begin with…and maybe this is a nice way to segue toward proper (i.e. married heterosexual) swiving in the parish house.
And you never know, before its all over the Pope will wear a little elephant pin on his lapel and start hanging at the Evangelical Bar & Grill with Pat Robinson and Rick Warren. Won’t be long until we all agree on one faith, and we get our own certified state religion right here in the USA. Remember, its Freedom of Religion, not Freedom From Religion.
