The GOOP: Lunatics and Cowards

On the one hand, you have them seriously debating a resolution that requests that my political party re-brand itself to something ridiculous. They are backing down off of it, which is amazing, because it means that there are some Republigoops who actually recognize the sheer utter lunacy of it, starting with Michael Steeleballs, who may have come to realize that he would actually have to then go on the television and refer to the opposition party time after time with a mush-mouth-makin’ phrase like “Democrat Socialist party.” This is the stuff of sheer lunacy, especially when you consider that these Untied States are actually facing some actual real problems and stuff. (See today’s good news: Fed Predicts Full Economic Recovery Could Take Years. And all these assholes can worry about is the nomenclature of its opposition? Call us the Rembrandt Fucktards for all I care. At least one of these groups is actually concerned with doing some stuff to keep America from tanking rather than being concerned with horseshit like this. Lunatics.)

On the other hand, you have people seriously concerned that, somehow, there isn’t a maximum security prison in these Untied States of America that is secure enough to hold these evil super-criminals they’ve been holding all these years down there south of America’s dong.

Oh, wait. That’s not what they’re actually concerned about. I forgot.

What they’re actually concerned about is that if the detainees ever do get to American courts, the courts will take one look at the big pile of horseshit evidence, the coerced confessions, the torture, the years of detainment without redress, and they’ll have no choice but to set them free, and that, even if they went into Gitmo for jaywalking, that the years of said detainment and treatment will have turned them into some hardened extremist mofos, and that we will essentially be allowing said hardened extremist mofos to roam freely in America. That’s what they’re really worried about. And they should be. Because it may be the most realistic scenario to play out.

But that isn’t Obama’s fault. It’s Bush’s. Fer shure like gag me with spoon. The Untied States didn’t need to throw jurisprudence scattering into the Gulf. The Untied States could have done it right. This is something I hope that President Obama will weigh as he decides what he can get done politically: Things are worth doing right, and if you don’t, you end up with a big damned mess later.

Yes, I know Hairy Reed has also said these people shouldn’t come over here and some other ridiculous crap that he said. But I’m not on the record as a big fan of Harry Reed as it stands, nor of a fan of Nance, neither. This is a party that has needed to growl for years, and it still refuses to do it, and the leadership is not bringing out the growl, and yes, I am including President Obama in that. He is capitulating to the temptation to become Great Triangulator II, and as we know, GTI gave us all kinds of nifty stuff, like the Defense of Marriage Act, “the era of big government is over,” media deregulation, crappy trade agreements, and hey, the very very effective and wonderful “don’t ask don’t tell.” Democrats are never going to get Republigoops, and they lose Democrats by being pussies. Hairy Reed knows there’s no good reason we can’t lock up these guys here; he’s just cowed by superstitious Republigoops who are calling Boss Limbaugh’s show likely by the gross. Don’t you know, these people at Gitmo, they are powerful wizards who can bend steel bars with their brains and can affect the weather merely by holding in their own pee? We dare not lock them up in maximum-security prisons here! They will cause our cows to stop lactating! Our cows! Lactating!

Sometimes this place is so god-damned stupid that you just don’t know what to do.

2 thoughts on “The GOOP: Lunatics and Cowards”

  1. “Oh,” thought George W. Boosh. “So THAT’S my ass.” He smiled crookedly. “Nice,” he then said aloud. “Thanks for your help, Condi.”

    As it often is, Doctor Zaius is correct. Of course, he is probably astounded that I can even type, what with my puny intelligence and my awkward human phalanges. Obviously, all of the torture stuff and whatnot points right to Shooter. Still. It was Boosh who stood up in front of the goddess and everybody and proclaimed that we “do not torture.” Regardless, the buck stops there, methinks.

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