KIAV to Albo: Can’t Say We Didn’t Warn You

A few days ago, this blogger predicted a dire consequence of all this talk about contraception and other issues in the general vicinity of it: Less leg for you. You start rattling your sabers about taking the power of contraception away from women, fellas, and next thing you know, you’re doing a lot more shaking hands with the unemployed and a lot less out-and-out kertanging.

Virginia Delegate David Albo has experienced this personally and for some strange reason decided to share the experience with his colleagues on the floor of the Virginia legislature.

To Albo’s credit, his telling of this sad tale actually elicits a belly laugh, which I reckon this legislative body probably needed since its inexplicable recent moves to pass a law that would subject a woman to essentially forced penetration just because she dared to exercise her constitutionally protected right to exercise a common and often even medically necessary procedure.

Albo, you see, was trying to get laid when a newscast came on the TV talking about this disgusting piece of shit of a bill. Well, I’ll let him tell the story.

I’m telling ya, fellas. You are tinkering with a good thing here and in the process you are going to be spending much less time getting stank on yer hang-low.

Trust Women. If not because it’s the right and sensible thing to do, then do it because it will help you get laid. I’m just saying.

How About a Real Defense of Valor

The Supremes spent some time this week hearing arguments about whether it could be a crime to claim falsely to be a war hero. Or, is there a first amendment right to lie? The genesis of this burble is a law that was passed back in 2005 that responded to a small scandal wherein a bunch of Pentagon back benchers got caught claiming battle medals they had never earned.

Congress, in the normal course of business, had to prove to the world that it was completely aware of what a horrible thing it is to claim falsely to have fought some battle, and so made it illegal to do so. They called it the “Stolen Valor Act.” Now comes the defendant Xavier Alvarez, an admitted professional liar, more or less, who claimed once at a public meeting that he was a Congressional Medal of Honor winner.

Of course there are hundreds of people who have claimed to have won the Congressional Medal who never got close to a battlefield. In fact if anyone tells you they have anything higher than a purple heart, doubt it. Most guys who get those things want to forget about it. I think that is perfectly all right. My sense of irony is satisfied that guys who get the Medal do so just so that fools like Alvarez can claim to have done so.

There is another piece of this, though, that I want to look at. (In the interest of full disclosure this notion was floated to me by Pat the Hat, who is usually right.) Congress was so happy to defend the medal itself against claims of lying scumbags, how is it that they have failed to defend the honor of real war heroes? I refer of course to the trashing that John Kerry took at the hands of a well funded scumbag operation called Swift Boat Veterans. Of worse, how about the hatchet job they did on Max Cleland, who gave up two legs and an arm to win his Bronze Star and Silver Medal, or in the 2000 South Carolina primary, the rumor that John McCain was a POW punch.

Me and Pat the Hat are not suggesting that Congress make it illegal to say bad things about war heroes. But I think a sense of Congress resolution defending genuine war heroes whose record in service of their nation was being challenged by a bunch of cheap shot artists who never really served, would have been in order.

The Congress of the United States has long since been consigned to the level of those creatures that slither on their bellies just to get their morning coffee. It would be nice once in a while to see it actually stand up for something that is right and fair and true. Do not hold your breath.

Have an Abortion. We Dare Ya.

More on this from Bill Tchakirides…

Rachel last evening did a pretty good job examining the law the Virginia assembly is fixin’ to pass that ostensibly at its very un-worst only forces a woman seeking an abortion to succumb to an unnecessary medical test first.

What she and Virginia Delegate David Englin came to the precipice of saying but did not say was that the bill, soon to become a law, requires that a woman be raped before she may obtain an abortion.

Here’s the procedure they’re talking about foisting upon women:

They take one of these:

And they jam it all up in there. Like this:

Now this David Englin fella, he had a novel idea. Virginia has all of its government controlled by Republigoats, see, and not just any Republigoats, but some of the most whackadoodle Republigoats in the entire country. So this guy, who represents the People’s Republic of Arlington, knew he’d not be able to get the bill scuttled completely. So, he got it in his head to amend the bill to require the woman’s consent before undergoing this procedure.

The amendment failed.

So. From what I take away from this is that just by going into a clinic to get a Constitutionally protected medical procedure performed, a woman can all of a sudden end up with one these

in her vagina, and she will have fuck-all to say about it.

That’s rape. Or, at the very least, it is a violation. It is, certainly, a forced intrusion, and it’s being forced by the guv-ment in the Commonwealth of Virginia.

And what it actually is, friends, is a move meant to scare the living hell out of any woman who gets pregnant and gets it into her head to end the pregnancy.

In 1973, the law of the land decreed that abortion is a legal, and, indeed, a constitutionally protected practice. But this country hasn’t done a damned thing since to defend that right.

Do It All For The Nookie

Ladies, leave the room for a second. I need a word with the guys. Thanks.

Are they gone? Excellent.

Fellas, I’d like to talk to you about contraception.

Now, don’t make that face. This is something you might not have considered.

If the ongoing war on contraception in this country is successful — and believe me, the assault on Griswold v. Connecticut that was discussed on this blog many years ago and since is well under way — you fellas are in for a whole lotta hurt.

Because if the pill is less readily available, if contraception is not as easy to pick up as is pack of gum (albeit much much more expensive), if Rick Santorum gets his way, then you’re not going to get laid nearly as often or as much.

There, I said it.

Nope, you’ll be back on the couch with a bag of frozen peas on your nuts by 9 p.m. instead of being naked in some broad’s apartment, spent and wondering how soon or how elegantly you’ll be able to slither out of there so you can catch the game with the boys.

If the pill dries up, so does “free love,” gents. That’s all there is to it.

So if the fact that the pill isn’t actually abortion and that these fascists are trying to say so nonetheless to push some twisted puritanical agenda isn’t enough to bother you, or if the fact that, in fact, contraception IS health care and should be allotted as such does not inspire you, keep this in mind.

If Rick Santorum and his weird chorus of crusaders against contraception succeed, it’s Tiddlywinks dates for you from here on out.

Fight the real enemy.

Behave Yourself

Andrew Breitbart here exhibits the pure, unadulterated psychosis of the political forces that make up today’s Republigoat Par-tay.

Note the authoritarian language that first inspires him here. Note also the awesome irony, or should I simply say idiocy, of a middle-aged fat guy being dragged away by cops as he screams at a gaggle of teenagers.

There is something seriously wrong with this fellow. But I do not think it is anything less than the foul, vicious psychosis that plagues his entire political movement.

RIP Roger M. Boisjoly, Go Piss on Ronnie Raygun

Roger M. Boisjoly died recently. He is remembered as the rocket scientist for Morton Thiokol who tried to get NASA to call off the launch of the Space Shuttle Challenger. That’s the shuttle that blew up and killed the entire crew and the school teacher and all, on January 28, 1986.

Boisjoly and a handful of engineers who were paid to know these things knew that if the shuttle were launched in cold weather, the “O” rings would not expand and there would be a fuel leakage and the thing would blow. He and his fellow engineers tried to get NASA not to launch because the weather was too cold, and NASA called bullshit on that.

The Challenger carried the first “teacher in space,” Christa McAuliffe, and was part of a major publicity stunt by the Raygun Administration that was certain to get Ronnie the Raygunner’s picture in the paper with flags and space shuttles and such. That made it a very important matter for NASA, which was not about to risk its funding by pissing off the Raygunner and missing his photo op.

Ms. McAuliffe and the entire crew perished, and Roger Boisjoly spent a year or two in a deep depression and the remainder of his life teaching ethics to engineers. Throughout his life, he continued to ask the question, why didn’t they listen to me. Why did they insist of launching the shuttle.

I have the feeling that Roger M. Boisjoly was not cynical enough to come up with the correct answer. They launched so that tinhorn dipshit Ronnie Raygun could not miss a photo op.

In passing, Roger may now have an opportunity to get an answer. I suggest he leave the comfort of that part of eternity they reserve for honest men and travel to the special place in hell where they keep politicians and scumbags and traitors like Ronnie the Raygunner. Ask him. They say not even the Raygunner can lie in hell.


What the Komen Freak-Out Belies

I don’t think I even need to characterize the recent flare-up regarding Planned Parenthood and the Komen Foundation. Despicable. But I do have a few observations on the issue.

First, have a look at the Komen budget pie chart. This is an organization that spends as much on overhead as it does on screening and treatment. Given, the group’s concern seems to be more concerned with research and outreach. But imagine that.

Here’s a good graph on Planned Parenthood, by the way, which indicates that 96 percent of what this group does is contraception, STD screenings, and cancer screenings.

I wonder where your charity dollars should go.

That said, I do predict one thing: This is going to be bad for Komen for a long time. Wanna know why?

People LIKE Planned Parenthood.

Generally, people agree with the principles this organization utilizes. They believe that people should be able to plan their own families, you know, by using their brains. They think it’s nice for women to have a place to go to get their biscuits all retrofitted and stuff. Many people actually got their very first prophylactics at Planned Parenthood, which helped them not procreate before they were ready to do so.

I hope the “conservatives” will take note of this and that Planned Parenthood will as well. You have achieved semi-sacred cow status. Wear it well.