January 31, 2012

Newt is Right About Shooting the Moon

By Papa Bonk

They say if you put a million monkeys to a million typewriters they will eventually produce a novel. Just so Newt Gingrich, who spews an idea a minute, is bound to have a good idea once in a while. I have to say I am disappointed that liberals from Rachel Maddow to Bill Maher have been pooping all over it.

I speak of course of Newt’s promise to build a moon colony. An excellent idea for many reasons, the first several of which is jobs. Nothing creates jobs like a massive infrastructure project, and nothing creates the kind of jobs that challenge our technical work force and put our engineers back to work like big ticket space projects. (Provided NASA can resist the private sector impulse to prefer cheap foreign trained engineers to Americans.) It will also make jobs for mechanics and laborers and lesser classes of workers, not to mention support industries.

A space race will also generate new technologies, which can be spun into new industries and more jobs. Bucky Fuller suggested the best way to fuel economic growth was to design an impossible task and try to complete it. A moon station is not impossible… in fact it is clearly within the reach of our current knowledge… but it will demand that we create new technologies, and significantly expand our development horizons. That means new products and new processes and a significant enhancement of our mastery of technology.

And then there is the future factor. I remember well staying up all night and watching the countdown for the earliest space flights with my geek friends. These were exciting times, we all believed the USA could do anything. No one believed in 1964 that the race to space would stop. We saw it as a continuum that led to the stars, to the adventures of Starship Enterprise. In the last 30 years we have lost that sense of purpose. This is because we have focused our energy and money on meaningless wars and thus depleted our national wealth. And it’s partly because we have not had leaders with the confidence to stand up and demand that we seek bold horizons. Only Newt. A sad commentary.

Finally, we need to move forward with a moon base because if we don’t do it, the Chinese will. At the risk of sounding like a right wing cukoo. No one wants to see the moon painted red.

Filed Under: Speak Truth To Morons
January 28, 2012

What Was Actually Offensive About Jan Brewer

By Brady Bonk

I want to explain to you here what was actually offensive about Gov. Jan Brewer’s tarmac confrontation with President Barack Obama. Pay attention now because this is the only place that’s going to get this right.

You’ve probably seen the photograph and I do not have time right this minute to steal it from the Internet. On an airport tarmac last week, Gov. Jan Brewer, who is a moron, accosted the President as he got off the plane in Arizona and handed him some stupid note that probably ended with yes no maybe check-boxes. The photo is of her waggling her finger in Obama’s face.

Many are saying that it’s offensive that she was so physical with the President of the United States, that it was a disrespectful gesture, that it was rude to be so combative with the leader of the free world. I agree with those things, but there was one thing nobody’s mentioned that was so utterly disrespectful to the office that it’s downright unbelievable.

The most valuable commodity that the President of the United States has to offer is access to the President of the United States. If you work in the White House, it is made clear how important you are by how close your office is to the Oval Office. Access to the office is what gives the Presidency its power. It is the currency of the Presidency.

Jan Brewer ambushed the President of the United States and, in the process, she stole from the Presidency. She did not secure an appointment to make her points with the President. She was not granted access to the President by the sheer importance of her business. She instead took advantage of what was supposed to have been a simple grip-and-grin photo opportunity and ambushed the President for some airing of grievances.

She might as well have just thrown a shoe at the guy.

January 26, 2012

Walmart saves a boat load of bucks!

By Papa Bonk

Today’s news tells me that Walmart has decided to no longer have greeters in stores on the graveyard shift. Greeters, as we all know, are those retired geezers that meet you at the door, help with getting a basket and tell you where you can find stuff.   It’s not a great, important position, but most of these geezers are just trying to supplement their puny retirements … and maybe gain a little end of life dignity… moonlighting for America’s favorite retailer. Who needs them anyway?

And what a big money saver it is. WalMart has 3,000 superstores in the USA, each employing one geezer on the graveyard shift. Figuring they earn $8 per hour and another $2 in benefits, the cost to Walmart for all those geezers is about $10 million a year. A LOT OF MONEY.

Walmart reported net income of $6.6 billion last quarter… yes, I said last quarter. Last year’s total income was in excess of $25.5 billion. So you can see getting rid of those old people is very important to ensure that Walmart exceeds its income levels next year. $10 million here, $10 million there. Eventually it all adds up.

Filed Under: Speak Truth To Morons
January 24, 2012

Kitteh Iz Librul

By Brady Bonk

I have just sat down to spend a little extra time with my kitteh. She is a sweet red-haired kitteh who likes the top of her head scratched and who sometimes likes to rub her gums on my arm. Yeah, it’s weird. She also likes you to find that one spot just behind her ear. And she loves to be brushed.

I should clarify of course; she’s not really MINE. She belongs to the house. But when I moved here, I would from time to time stop to take a moment to pet her. And pretty soon, she adopted me.

I am spending a little extra time with kitteh today because of this story, which would really get my goat anyway, but I am, I have to admit, somewhat of a fan of the felines. Here, read on:

When Jake Burris, the campaign manager for Democrat Ken Aden, arrived at his home in Arkansas he found the family cat dead on his front porch. The cat’s skull had been bashed in. It’s eyeball was hanging out of its socket. And the word “liberal” was written on its fur.

The full story is here. It is accompanied by a photograph of a dead cat with a look of sheer terror on its face. So tread lightly if you’re squeamish.

I personally think this speaks volumes to the false equivalencies that are often drawn when talking about “liberals” and “conservatives.” I’m sorry, but liberals do not murder doctors in cold blood. We do not cut letters of the alphabet into our faces and claim that some black man had mugged us. We do not murder peoples’ pets. There is, I’m sorry, a pathology on that side of the aisle that just does not exist over here.

Unless, of course, you can point to the news story about the dead cat with the word “conservative” painted on him. I sure can’t.

January 21, 2012

A Few Thoughts Regarding The Republigoat Nominating Process To Date

By Brady Bonk

I have yet to put down any words here regarding the Republigoats and their attempt to select a nominee to run for Preznit of these Untied States of Amurka. I should of course mention that on the subject I am relatively uninformed, as I have not been able to bring myself to sit down and watch a single of the several thousand debates that have taken place.

I would rather sit through an entire episode of “American Idol.” Live.

Fortunately, however, uninformed seems to be the way to go if you’re a voter in these Untied States or if you want to open up your pie-hole and express an opinion. So, for commentary on the Republigoat Preznitdential race, I am just as qualified as your Uncle Stu who farts at church and thinks nobody notices.

First, can we stop saying that Mitt Romney is the “presumptive nominee?” That’s nonsense, for one thing. It is way too early in the race to be placing that shitty crown on anybody’s head. They’re just about to start primaries in the mid-Atlantic states, and everyone’s all like oh, Mitt’s the guy, Mitt’s the guy. The current Preznit did not pick up steam until he hit the south. Until then, everyone’s all like oh, Hillary’s the guy, Hillary’s the guy. Way too early to tell.

Besides, we don’t want these assholes to have a nice clean selection process. We want them to have a bloody mess. We want to send them into a brokered convention. I want them limping and pulling shards of broken glass out of their face when they get to Tampa. It is tempting, even for those of us who just fucking hate the Republigoat Party, to want a clear winner. It’s human nature to want a horse to break out of the pack. But that’s not the endgame we need to see. I want feats of strength contests over every single last delegate. The muddier this contest remains, the better.

I also find the feeble character of this selection process to be utterly reassuring. By this time in the Democratic selection process in 2008, it was clear that there were three candidates whom Democrats really liked. We would have gotten behind either Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, or John Edwards (thank gravity we did not get behind John Edwards; what a mess). At this point in the Republigoat process, it seems that this party cannot find even one candidate that they won’t have to hold their nose to approve. This is simply because they don’t have anyone.

And the candidate they do end up with is going to have a big job in front of him. I have a theory about Mr. Obama, the theory being that he will wear the cape of incumbency well. Mitt Romney found it difficult to appear presidential on a stage with John McBombBomb. Newt Gingrinch won’t pass the Nixon-Kennedy scowl test. Rick Santorum took his dead infant child home with him and made his own children play Red Rover with it. And the issues will not stack up for this “party” either. Foreign policy is off the table because this President has been utterly successful in that arena. The economy is as I type showing true signs of growth despite the best efforts of the Republigoats, so domestic issues will be a tough nut to crack. Even the time-honored tactic of telling wretched, superstitious lies about your opponent will be difficult to do, at least on the debating stage when the man is there to refute the charges that he’s a socialist Muslim communist bastard who was born in Kenya.

No, things are looking up, I think, for those of us with few other choices then to support the Democratic party. I think Obama is damn near impossible to beat in 2012. One can only hope that his coat-tails will bring us more Democrats, and by that I mean REAL DEMOCRATS, not these blue-dog idiots, into the House and Senate so the man can really get some work done.

So say we all.

In Which President Barack Obama Reveals That He Has An Excellent Singing Voice.

By Brady Bonk

My guess is that George W. Bush is tone deaf.

January 16, 2012

Occupy MLK Day

By Brady Bonk

“But somewhere I read of the freedom of assembly. Somewhere I read of the freedom of speech. Somewhere I read of the freedom of press. Somewhere I read that the greatness of America is the right to protest for right. And so just as I say, we aren’t going to let dogs or water hoses turn us around, we aren’t going to let any injunction turn us around. We are going on.” (Martin Luther King Jr.)

Filed Under: Occupy!
January 11, 2012

Look Out Willard!

By Papa Bonk

I have long noted that the GOOP is the dirtiest, scumbaggiest, low-down maggot infested unscrupulous bag of crap that ever played the dirtiest game… politics. The GOOP has no scruples about truth or justice or the American Way when it comes to using the levers of fear, ignorance and hatred to get what it wants.

Willard Romney is about to go into the South Carolina primary and face up to the lowest end of the lowest pit of GOOP skullduggery. There are no rules in South Carolina. They once beat John McCain by intimating that he was both a queer and a nigra lover.

I would not wish the worst that South Carolina can invent about anyone on anyone… even Willard, and I have no love for Willard.

But just by way of prediction, since I always want you to hear it here first: by the time the primary is over, every dumb-assed cracker in the Palmetto State will believe that Dain Capital was written by Karl Marx, Mormons worship Satan, One of  Willard’s other wives is black and one is foreign; and Willard uses secret church services to bugger young boys.

Filed Under: Speak Truth To Morons
January 7, 2012

Justice

By Brady Bonk

A judge brought in to clean up after a “kids for cash” scandal has expunged every juvenile court case decided by a Pennsylvania jurist convicted of corruption.

Senior Judge Arthur Grim was selected almost three years ago to review juvenile court cases decided by former Luzerne County Judge Mark Ciavarella, who’s serving time in jail for his involvement in the corruption case.

As a result of Grim’s efforts, records have been expunged for more than 2,000 juveniles sentenced by Ciavarella.

Ciavarella and another ex-judge are serving federal prison sentences for sending juveniles to for-profit youth detention centers in return for money.

This is nice and all, but it’s a reminder that we still live in a country where, increasingly, our penal system is becoming an industry. Some judge put prices on these kids’ heads. Coulda just a soon have been your kids. Or you. That’s where it goes, though, when you think that everything’s for sale and that the “free market” (which does not actually exist) can do anything and should do everything.

Filed Under: fuck

John McBoobies Strikes Again

By Brady Bonk

It is one thing to embed this clip of Failed Presidential Candidate John McBoobies’ slip of the tongue here, and to laugh at it, and to rather inelegantly refer to it as a “Freudian slip” (I do not believe for a moment that John McBoobies actually harbors deep subconscious wishes for an additional term for our current president). However, there is a larger question here.

Why do they keep giving this man a microphone?

Was his incompetence not apparent enough when he was looking around for a running mate and he said hmmmm, how about this completely untested idiot out of Wasilla, Alaska? Was it not enough that this dum-dum nearly put Prudence Palin into the White House?

Admiral Stockdale was a fucking genius compared to this guy. Were I a Republigoat, which I think we’ve pretty much established that I were not, I’d want my party to give this guy a turkey sandwich and an iPod and make him go sit in the god-damned corner.