Question

Why isn’t Jim Blanchard running for President?

On another note, if I were chairing this meeting, I would tell all of these asshats in the audience that if they don’t knock off the applause, I’m clearing the room. All this applauding is making the Democratic Party look like a bunch of morons. You don’t see applause in a Judiciary Committee meeting. It’s friggin’ unseemly.

'Count Every Vote'

How awesome, how utterly awesome, is Robert Wexler? Outside of Universal Studios and my Snowbird Granny, he’s the best thing about Florida.

Now. On to the “count every vote” meme discussed by the previous speaker, whose name I did not catch.

Let’s say you live in Fredonia, which holds elections every four years. President Firefly’s name is the only one on the ballot, and if you don’t vote, the Fredonian Security Forces come to your house and throw you in jail. But they count every vote, every single damned one.

So by the thinking I heard earlier this morning, Fredonia’s election results are completely valid.

Casting this as an issue of vote counting and voter disenfranchisement just doesn’t fly. The primary was fundamentally flawed. There were no Fredonian Security Forces, but, at least in Michigan, some names were not on the ballot, and in Florida, voters were told that they could stay home. As was mentioned here, had Florida’s primary been held in the normal fashion, turnout could have been doubled from its already stellar result.

In fact, as TPM asks today, if these delegations are seated no questions asked, doesn’t that disenfranchise the voters who were told not to bother voting and didn’t? And, by the way, those numbers may be nothing to sneeze at: “…as many as one million voters in Florida and probably more than a half million voters in Michigan did not vote who otherwise would have if they had not believed that the results would not be counted.”

Seriously, the only way to actually solve this problem is to nudge harder for the supers to pile on so we can get us a nominee and then just seat everybody.

Heartbreaker

According to many, today’s the day. The Rules Committee meets today somewhere in my neck of the woods. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, and DNC Chair Howard Dean all say that as a result of today’s meeting and of next week’s final primaries, the Democrats will at long last have a presumptive nominee in early June. I don’t buy it. I think the Clinton campaign will walk in there today and won’t give until the Rules Committee bouncers have to remove them by force. It’s already been said that the RC can’t give the Clinton campaign what it wants: Full, unquestioned representation of Florida and Michigan despite that neither primary was contested fairly and honestly. I think the Clinton campaign at the end of today will stridently announce that it intends to keep tossing around this medicine ball through to August.

Because there’s no other way she can hope to clinch the nomination. If she can steer this thing to the floor, then all bets are off. There will be back-room wrangling and more deals made than at a tobacco auction. That’s how she gets the nod, and it’s the only way she gets the nod: She takes it to Denver and haggles for it.

This places Democratic politics into limbo over the summer, and in political limbo, John McWeirdsmile is Godzilla. No, he’s friggin’ Lennox Lewis—nobody will ever be able to touch his pretty face. For 2.5 months, both Clinton and Obama will be sloshing around in the wet cement while McWeirdsmile runs laps around them on stilts and steroids.

It’s heartbreaking, and I want supporters of Hillary Clinton to understand that.

In various arenas of discussion, I have been told that, as a supporter of Barack Obama, I am a misogynist, or that I have somehow pitched in on The Arkansas Project, or that I am contributing to a diabolical plot by fat white old men to purposely deny the Presidency to a woman, or that I am simply one of many men incapable of casting a vote for a woman. What I wish folks could understand is that in any other circumstance, I and I think many of my colleagues would be genuinely excited to place a female at the helm, and that watching Hillary Clinton run for President has done little else but for me but to break my heart.

I adored Bill Clinton. I loved the ’90s and now understand that the Clinton Era might have been the last hardy gasp of greatness for the Untied States of America. Many times, this man’s Presidency had me feeling victorious as an American voter. He was a believer and a doer and a magnet for empty, jealous freaks with no better mission in life than to push the man off the top of his mountain. They got him in the end for little else than for getting his elbow shined, and on the day of his impeachment, his approval ratings were through the roof. What’s that tell you?

But sitting through the sequel has just left me queasy and heartbroken. It has tanked Hillary Clinton, but it hasn’t done much for Mr. Clinton, either. Bill Clinton, once the mission-driven former President, flying far and above now the shackles of U.S. politics in the realm of the NGO, raising billions and billions of dollars for the humble goal of making the world better, so enlightened that he struck up a friendship, not an acquaintance or a business partnership but a genuine friendship, with H.W. Bush. As an ex-President, Bill Clinton had achieved Carterdom. And he has squandered it. He is now the bumbling husband wandering off in the grocery store photo-op, saying stupid, sometimes racially divisive things, doing more harm than good, and, ultimately, defending oddly undefendable territory using the twisted calculus of the Clinton campaign. Hillary has already won this thing, he said. She’s victim of a cover-up, he said. Bill. Dude. What happened to you?

But there is no comparison to the ugly machinations this campaign has revealed in Hillary Clinton. From the first debate, when she brandished her jiu jitsu for an answer given by Obama on the subject of diplomacy, making him say something he didn’t say, painting him as an inexperienced pansy for laying out a perfectly smart objection to the twisted perspective of diplomacy as envisioned by The Current President.

From that point on, it was clear that post-2000 brand of “eat me, pilgrim” American politics would not be going away anytime soon, and that it had infected the Democratic Party, and not just in the isolated case of Joe Lieberman. No sir, said symptoms presented themselves in the lady candidate for the highest office in the land. She praised the Republigoat nominee at the profound expense of her Democratic opponent. She openly mocked him and his supporters. She feigned outrage at campaign literature that had been circulating for months. She drummed up false charges of plagiarism. She allied with a surrogate who suggested Obama was only successful due to an affirmative action culture—an argument with which I’m sure presidents Sharpton and Jackson agree. Her campaign took steps—including circulating a photograph of Obama dressed in the apparel of a nonwestern culture—to try to associate him with the maligned religion of Islam. And through it all, she has insisted that the results of flawed, uneven primary contests be counted unquestioned, going so far as to parallel that issue with the civil rights struggles of Americans who were actually trodden upon. I have said it a thousand times and I will say it again: You can’t count Michigan, period, because his name was not even on the ballot.

The whole entire point of the 2008 Presidential Election ought to be the obliteration of the dark political arts that have been in use since The Current President folded his arms, pouted, and held his breath waiting for The Supreme Court to annoint him. You don’t accomplish that by running someone who achieved the nomination by employing those very methods. You accomplish it by running a guy who’s run with integrity, who’s run largely on $20 and $50 donations, and who persistently exhibits a powerful ability to rise above the cheap shots. You don’t wash out Karl Rove’s sweat and DNA from the gears by spraying it down with Karl Rove’s sweat and DNA. You have to run clean.

And so there it is, as I brace myself to turn on the C-SPAN. I expect by the end of this day for the heartbreak to continue, for Candidate Clinton to continue her weird outward spiral, to insist on taking this sucker to Credentials. I used to wish her a long, happy career as a United States Senator. Now, it appear she has squandered much of the steam of gravitas she had previously, as the perception is that Reid’s balls have dropped and that guys like Shumer and Emanuel, not Clinton, are his understudies. I hope she has been working on her baking skills, because once this is over, staying home and baking cookies may just be what’s left for her. One can only hope.

You Can Say You Were There When The Bottom Fell Out

How awesome and weird is it that the John Dean of the day is going to end up being none other than Puffy McMoonface?

This is what I think, anyways. That what you’re witnessing right now is the final unraveling of this whole entire mess. Get ready for yet another hot schweaty summer, a la Watergate, a la Iran-Contra, full of vital Congressional hearings on the TV.

Yep. I think Puffy’s book is going to be The Big One. Hell if I’m buying a copy. But it sure will be fun to watch.

Dah Duh Duh Dah Duh-Duh

Big Eddie today is talking for some reason about whether schools should require students to recite the pledge of the allegiance. This has always bugged me. Why are Americans so prone to being bent out of shape over a little poem that’s written on purpose to sound like a dirge read off of cue cards by Ben Stein?

I mean, the pledge, it always goes like this: Okay, let’s all say the pledge. Put your hands over your hearts. Then one person starts it off and everyone follows:

Dah duh duh duh duh
Dah duh duh
Dah duh duh dudda dud-dah dah dudda duh.
Dah duddah duh duh
Dah duddah duh
Dat duh-duh
Under God
Dot duh duh duh duh
Dah duh duh dah duh duh dah duh.

And you’re saying these pretty huge, exhalted words in there, but they’re always spoken in the same way, everytime since the first time you said them, you said them like the muted trumpet teacher in Charlie Brown. Everyone who says the pledge of allegiance sounds a little bit like Crackhead Bob, for goodness’ sake. This is love for your country?

No YOU. Nyah.

I have just read an incredible story, more incredible due to its source the Telegraph of the UK. You’d think I’d have heard of this story from American media first. Noooooo. It’s about a car dealership in California broadcasting commercials not so much to sell cars, but to tell non-Christians to “sit down and shut up” about secularism. The full transcript:

Did you know that there are people in this country who want prayer out of schools, “Under God” out of the Pledge, and “In God We Trust” to be taken off our money?

But did you know that 86 per cent of Americans say they believe in God? Since we all know that 86 out of every 100 of us are Christians, who believe in God, we at Kieffe & Sons Ford wonder why we don’t tell the other 14 per cent to sit down and shut up.

I guess I just offended 14 per cent of the people who are listening to this message. Well, if that is the case then I say that’s tough, this is America folks, it’s called free speech.

None of us at Kieffe & Sons Ford is afraid to speak out. Kieffe & Sons Ford on Sierra Highway in Mojave and Rosamond, if we don’t see you today, by the grace of God, we’ll be here tomorrow.”

Local blogger Underground Unbeliever is on the case. Why is it so difficult to understand that the reason many believe in a secular public square is because it is the only possible way that each and every citizen—including Kieffe and sons—is guaranteed the right to choose his own method of worship?I mean, hey, since 86 percent are believers, why not just have a vote and get on with it? Right?

If you are truly concerned about religious liberty but you still fancy yourself a “conservative,” you’re on the wrong boat.

Priorities, People!

In my comments queue this morning stood this little gem. I did not approve it. But I am referring to it here.

Approval requested in the post titled “I Like To Wear Men’s Underwear,” which was about the Randi Rhodes YouTube debacle. Certain details in the post including the e-mail address have been changed to protect the stupid.

It said:

“To take a little heat off of Randi, it has been stated by others and noted by many in the know about Washington that Hillary has been involved in a Lesbian affair with…[a female person]…for…[a period of time]. If proof and cite are desired, I can be contacted at busybody at whogivesacrap.com.”

Who cares? Who cares who cares who cares who cares? Who cares? Why are people so interested in who the Clintons are screwing? Who cares?

I am more concerned with how badly they’re screwing the political process than I am with what particular person either one of them is actually with in the budoir. On your bike!

Also, and I’m only asking because this part of the statement is about to cause blood to squirt out of my nose, how, oh how, oh how does this statement “take a little heat off of Randi?” Mrs. Clinton is having a lesbian affair, so therefore the management at Air America Radio didn’t need to play contract hardball with her using some YouTubed comments she made in a nightclub in San Francisco? What?

Anyway: We here at Crack Whores for Good Government are not the only ones who noticed that Mrs. Clinton hasn’t quite been completely accurate about whenabouts Bill Clinton became the nominee in 1992. Here are a few others:

Hillary's Other Faux Pas

Lately, I’ve been thinking that Keith Olbermann’s “Special Comment” segments have been a little out of hand.

When he first took on Don Rumsfeld in August 2006, it was necessary. Rumsfeld had severely insulted a majority of the American people. His arrogance and his hubris had led him to draw a nasty exclusionary line regarding dissent in America. Olbermann’s outrage at the time was well placed and, indeed, necessary. Lately, though, I’ve thought the thing has become somewhat of a gimmick for Coundown and that he’s tended to go a little too veiny-forehead-hockey-dad* on us. But you can bet that I was all about the one he offered last evening about Hillary “Ghandi Ran A Gas Station Down In St. Louis” Clinton. Olbermann’s point is spot-on—not only is uttering the “a” word inciteful regarding my man Barack H. Obama. It’s inciteful regarding herself as well. And she really should have known better since not even a week ago failed presidential candidate Mike Huckabee made the same error.

However, it occurs to me that all the focus on her use of the “a” word detracts from the other disturbing, disingenuous point Clinton was trying to make in front of that editorial board. To claim that you don’t understand why many want you out of the race? It forces one to ask a question we’ve asked about The Current President a thousand times: Is she stupid, or is she lying?

Mrs. Clinton: The reason many want you out of the race now is because you can’t win the nomination by any legitimate process, because the only way you can win the nomination now is by making the rules and credentials committees push this shit to the convention floor and to force the entire convention to allow illegitimate primary results to stand. Also, because the Democratic Party needs to start running against John McWeirdsmile, who has run unopposed since March 4 and who has run such a horrible campaign that, had Obama been allowed his rightful nomination, he would have been able to tackle McCain below the waist at least a dozen times by now. And, oh yeah: Because you are an asshole.

The fact that she can feign a lack of understanding of that basic idea is outrageous, even more outrageous than “invoking a nightmare.” It belies a candidate who is out of touch with the facts, either by character or by design. Remember, this is a candidate who has most recently attempted to conflate the Michigan and Florida problem as an issue of civil rights and/or voter supression. If you enjoy having a President who is comfortable with ignoring the facts in front of her face, then let’s just coronate The Current President for life. K?

Oh, and by the by, she’s also flat-out wrong (or lying). Bill Clinton had the nomination pretty well sewn up by March 20, 1992, when Paul Tsongas dropped out of the race (I always did like that Paul Tsongas), leaving only Jerry Brown to oppose him. Clinton clinched the nomination on April 7 by beating Brown in New York. It did not take Bill Clinton until June to wrap up the nomination. Her other historical example, aside from the chilling use of the “a” word, also draws a big “yeah? so?” Political seasons were different in the 1960s. John F. Kennedy declared his candidacy in January 1960, and Robert Kennedy declared his candidacy in March 1968. Of course he was still campaigning in June. He hadn’t been running for years and years in the maddening fashion that we do it these days. Here’s a tip: If you’re going to use bad historical analogies to justify your own candidacy’s wretched perversion of the democratic process, spend a little time on the Google first.

Hillary Clinton’s candidacy is over, it was over when Barack Obama swept the Potomac on Feb. 12. He should have been allowed then to ride his momentum all the way to the Presidency. At this point, the Democratic Party will show up in Denver so bruised and divided that we will be lucky if John McWeirdsmile doesn’t secure himself a mandate come November.

“You know that old Beach Boys’ song? Bomb Iran? Bomb bomb bomb…anyway…uh…”

If this happens, I hope the good people of New York will see fit to send Mrs. Clinton packing from the Senate in 2012.

*

And now, just to share one of my favorite examples of Hillary Clinton stepping in it, an encore embedding of “Ghandi Ran A Gas Station Down In St. Louis…” What an idiot.

*…stolen from Celebrity Mole champ Kathy Griffin…thanks…

John McCain Hitler Hitler John McCain Hitler Hitler Hitler

I for one am John McCain Hitler very John McCain Hitler pleased with the crossed-stream media’s effort at last John McCain Hitler Hitler Hitler John McCain to pay attention to John McCain Hitler John McWeirdsmile’s “association” with the “Reverend” John Hitler Hagee Hitler John McCain.

I simply figure that Hitler John McCain the more times Americans John McCain loves Hitler see the words “John McCain” and “Hitler” in the same sentence John McCain Hitler, the better Hitler John McCain Hitler Hitler Hitler.

Incidentally. How in the wide wide world of sports does a political candidate “reject” an endorsement, especially an endorsement one SOUGHT OUT ON PURPOSE? I think my man Barack H. Obama had it right—as he does about everything—when Hillary C. Clinton (you may imagine in your mind’s ear what the “C” stands for) called him out on this nonsense. He essentially said hey, I can’t keep some idiot from saying in public that he digs me. Bitch. McCain (Hitler) though can’t get away with that because he actively sought Hagee’s endorsement to help him bridge his Jesus Gap. Of course, it gets worse when you factor in Rod Parsley, whose support McCain has also rejected, 12 years too late.

Don’t forget that once upon a time, McCain was, indeed, a straight talker on this subject, referring to Jerry Falwell—who is each and every day absolutely shocked about how hot it is where he lives now—and the like as “agents of intolerance.” Which would really worry me if I were a religious wacko republigoat. Does he believe that men like Falwell, Hagee, and Cabbage, I mean Parsley, are “agents of intolerance,” or does he believe that they whisper sweet nothings into the left ear of Jesus H. Christ himself? Does he believe that the Lord sent Hitler to smite the Jews to force them back to Israel, or doesn’t he? Does he believe that the Lord sends hurricanes to punish America for tolerating homos, or doesn’t he? And where, specifically, does he stand on the whole water to wine thing?

Here’s some advice for ALL presidential candidates: LEAVE GOD IN YOUR CHURCHES, GOD-DAMNIT. You, and the Untied States of America as a whole, will be much better off in the long run. John McCain. Hitler.

You're Doing It Wrong

Let’s review some recent history.

In June 2002, The Current President called for new leadership for the Palestinian Legislative Council. It’s on his Web site. He said: “I call on the Palestinian people to elect new leaders, leaders not compromised by terror. I call upon them to build a practicing democracy, based on tolerance and liberty. If the Palestinian people actively pursue these goals, America and the world will actively support their efforts.”

In January 2006, they had elections, and 74 of 132 seats went to Hamas, also known as the Islamic Resistance Movement. The Untied States of America insisted that the Palestinian people have democratic elections, and they did, and a group that the Untied States of America calls a terrorist organization was granted legitimacy via parliamentary majority.

The reaction of the Untied States of America was of course inflexible and weird. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said a party could not “have one foot in politics and the other in terror. Our position on Hamas has therefore not changed.”

The ongoing debate regarding to whom we speak and to whom we do not is absolutely stupid. And also perhaps hypocritical. But certainly stupid. Of course we’d rather not do business with this organization. But please don’t forget that Hamas was legitimized in the PLC at the insistence of The Current President.

Also remember please that when President “The Only President In The 20th Century To Have Ever Achieved Any Measure Of Peace In The Middle East” Carter met with Hamas, he wasn’t being seditious, as the Republigoats worked hard to depict. As per Carter’s book, Peace Not Apartheid, peace in the region is only achievable if a neutral third party, namely the Untied States of America, is involved. This policy was continued through President Clinton. The current administration flipped it, disengaging from the peace process and snuggling up with Ariel Sharon. In fact, one of this assclown administration’s primary motivations for invading Iraq was get leverage in this process. Nice going.

These people. Do not know. How to do. Foreign policy. And I’m including Hillary Clinton, who continues to try to score on Mr. Obama’s statement favoring diplomacy by turning it on its ass, in “these people.” This country needs a president again who understands the Reagan-era phrase “trust, but verify,” who doesn’t insist that diplomacy is some carrot we waggle in front of an adversarie’s nose and that the only way to get anything done is to wiggle one’s balls and to beat one’s chest. This Current Administration is a savage, and it’s my opinion that a Clinton II administration or a Mcain I administration would be just as bad in varying degrees. I am so utterly glad that Da Man will be crossing a milestone today. Let’s close this thing down, let’s nominate Mr. Obama and get about the business of making sure that John McCain doesn’t get to put his finger on the button. Baby.