March 28, 2008

Bill Clinton of the McCain Campaign

By Brady Bonk

As noted at the KIAV earlier this week: When on Earth are the Clintons going to stop endorsing John McWeirdsmile from the stump?

In Lewistown, Pa., Clinton is paraphrased as saying Clinton is a “moderate” who “has given about all you can give for this country without dyin’ for it.”

Good, Bill. Play up the enemy’s war record, especially when your candidate is under fire for trying to puff up one of her own out of mid-air. Asshat.

“He said McCain was on the right side of issues like being against torture of enemy combatants and global warming, which ‘just about crosses the bridge for them (Republicans).'”

Sure. When he’s not flip-flopping all over those issues. Which is beside the point, which is when the hell did Bill Clinton start working for the McCain campaign?

Bill, Hillary and Sen. Weirdsmile remind me of Bruce, Demi, and Ashton. There’s just something damned creepy about how nicely they all get along under the circumstances.

March 25, 2008

God Bless America

By Brady Bonk

Those still upset with the cherry-picked rhetoric of Rev. Jeremiah Wright should revisit for a moment the night of Sept. 18, 2007, a YouTube of which is embedded above. This was the night of the “Values Voter Debate,” which was introduced with a choral rendition of a revamped “God Bless America,” “Why Should God Bless America?”

Why should God bless America? She’s forgotten he exists and has turned her back on everything that made her what she is. Why should God stand beside her through the night with the light from his hand? God have mercy on America! Forgive her sin and heal our land!

Wright is under fire for having said this in 2003:

The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants us to sing ‘God Bless America.’ No, no, no, God damn America, that’s in the Bible for killing innocent people. God damn America for treating our citizens as less than human. God damn America for as long as she acts like she is God and she is supreme.

It’s interesting that the only real difference between these similar sentiments is in matters of policy. The song in successive stanzas talks about school prayer and abortion, while Wright discusses issues that might tend to appeal more to we of the “progressive” ilk. Either way, it’s god-damned dumb to wring hands about whether or not “God” is cheering for your country.

If you believe that YOUR deity is on YOUR country’s side, but the guy living in Jihadistan believes HIS deity is on HIS country’s side, then all ya’ll are worshipping DIFFERENT DEITIES, so you might as well both throw it in and admit that you’re both PAGANS. Insistence that YOUR “god” is better than THEIR “god,” means that by definition you both actually believe in GODS. At least you can rest assured that you are not a CYLON. Because Cylons, unlike you and your foreign counterpart, are monotheists.

Another reason why it’s god-damned dumb to worry about whether or not “God” is cheering for your country is that it IS. What is this, football? How grossly jingoistic are we to be to believe that “God” gives a smear of poop on the wall who wins the global Lombardi Trophy? God bless America? Why should God bless America? God damn America? Does “God” control the price of oil? Did “he” cause The Nine-Eleven to happen because of the pagans and the homos, just like Jerry “Fuck It’s Hot In Here” Falwell said?

More to the point: When in the wide wide world of sports did Democratic candidates for President come under so much scrutiny for their faith? Isn’t this supposed to be the party that understands the vital importance of the church/state firewall? Why is something said in the confines of a church five years ago giving everyone such a hard-on when John McWeirdsmile is in John Hagee’s pants right now?

We have no grace regarding anything anymore. We wear giant foam lime green “we’re number one” mitts that say “Jesus” and think it’s spirituality. A decade ago, this sickening god-preening was limited to blue-haired cat ladies and self-righteous white guys secretly longing for pre-op transsexual reacharounds. Now even presidential candidates have to bow to it. People charged with The Button shouldn’t have to reveal their church ongoings or their soliloquies while looking to the sky. God isn’t the one rooting for them. We are. That’s what I want my President to understand more clearly than anything else.

March 24, 2008

Thank You, Pat Buchanan

By Brady Bonk

For awhile, several group house incarnations back, I had my Tivo upstairs (I refuse to capitalize the “v” on sheer principal). I thought I could share the glory of the thing with the group of the group house, you know? So it was an odd comment by that then sort of dumb housemate, who chided me for having “that show with those old guys on it talking politics” on my season pass. That show, “The McLaughlin Group,” has been must-see-TV for this amateur wonk for many, many years. You should have seen me when the Group came to my college campus to speak to our journalism class one year. You’d have thunk even Freddie ‘The Beadle’ was Lou Reed. It was awesome.

And it is still so. My lady friend, she can’t watch it because all the yelling sets off her epilepsy. But of all the talking pundit puppet head shows every weekend, it’s gotta be The Group. And, often when I’m watching it, I register a great deal of surprise about how reasonable Pat Buchanan—who at the 1992 Republigoat Convention declared religious and culture war in America—seems. Mostly, he seems reasonable because he agrees that the invasion and occupation of Iraq was and is foolish.

Occassionally, though, Buchanan reminds me of exactly what he is. Yes, there’s been fire on these internets regarding his column about how much better off black people are and that “they” should thank “us” for throwing their great grandaddies into the slave ships in the first place. That was friggin’ awful, but he did himself one better on The Group this week.

They were of course discussing Rev. Wright. He was arguing that Obama should have more harshly denounced Wright. Eleanor asked him if he had denounced all the priests involved in the child abuse scandal. Buchanan replied: “All this gay stuff? Sure!”

You see, what bothered Buchanan about that episode—for which I still think America owes Sinead O’Connor an immense apology—wasn’t that men of the cloth usurped the power of their positions to exploit and hurt children. Nor was his problem that the Catholic faith forces its clergy into the unnatural state of sexual repression, making said pedophillic adventures somewhat of an eventuality. No sir, Buchanan’s problem with it is that he thinks it was, well, gay.

So if the priests had been hitting up 12-year-old girls in their congregations for ass, that would have been okay, Pat?

Thank you, Pat Buchanan, for occassionally reminding me of just exactly what it is that you are. It is indeed a fantastic public service.

Filed Under: The Liberal Media
March 22, 2008

It Frustrates You and Annoys the Pig

By Brady Bonk

I do wish that people would stop with the inept political analogies. I don’t think it is off the mark to suggest that Godwin’s Law—the first person in an argument to analogize in some fashion to Hitler loses the argument—can extend to other attempted historical analogies. Like McCarthy, for instance.

A top foreign policy adviser to Barack Obama compared former President Bill Clinton’s remarks seeming to question Obama’s patriotism to those made by Joseph McCarthy. “It sounds more like McCarthy,” retired four-star General Merrill “Tony” McPeak, who also is a campaign co-chair, said after a rally today in Salem, Oregon.

This is a bit off the mark regarding what Clinton said.

“I think it would be a great thing if we had an election year where you had two people who loved this country and were devoted to the interest of this country,” said the former president. “And people could actually ask themselves who is right on these issues, instead of all this other stuff that always seems to intrude itself on our politics.”

I don’t honestly believe Clinton meant to insinuate that Barack Obama was an America-hating communist working to infiltrate the upper echelons of the Untied States government. I think there’s something regrettable in what he said, but I don’t think it was an “exhuming mccarthy” moment. (You have to love an excuse reference one of the finest rock bands ever.)

The problematic portion of it: When did Bill and Hillary Clinton begin campaigning for John McWeirdsmile?

I know their intended goal is to frame McWeirdsmile and she as the presumptive frontrunners, even though she is clearly not. But the net effect is that Bill Clinton is on a stage with a microphone saying that John McWeirdsmile is a wonderful American.

It ain’t the first time, either. Remember this?

“I have a lifetime of experience that I will bring to the White House. I know Senator McCain has a lifetime of experience that he will bring to the White House. And Senator Obama has a speech he gave in 2002.”

Instead of hitting Senator John Weirdsmile while he’s unifying his party, raising money, and digging in his heels, the Clinton campaign is, unbelievably, campaigning for Senator John McWeirdsmile. And, as an added bonus, every time they do stump for the presumptive Republigoat nominee, who is very very old, they further alienate those of us who have given our support to the man from Illinois. I keep saying that if I had Hillary Clinton in front of me, I’d ask her, Hillary, if you do happen to get the nomination, won’t you need my vote, too?

If she does, I would like to suggest that she and her husband need to stop stumping for the Republigoat. All it does is argue for Ralph Nader’s assertion that there is not actually a difference between the parties.

March 20, 2008

CAN WE IMPEACH THEM YET?

By Brady Bonk

NBC is reporting that Barack Obama’s passport file was breached THREE TIMES since January 2008, ONCE LAST FRIDAY, and that Obama himself was not informed until TO-DAY.

I am JUST GOT. I am SO got that I am resorting to ALL CAPS. Sorry about that.

March 19, 2008

The Endlessness Justifies The Meaninglessness

By Brady Bonk

Update. I have retitled this entry, having heard one of the best antiwar slogans evar. Thanks to the protesters for getting it right on the nose…

In the heady rush of the ongoing presidential campaign, I cannot help but wonder where these Untied States of America would be on today’s tragic anniversary of the invasion and occupation of Iraq had the President on Sept. 12, 2001 been a little more Barack Obama-y.

Of all the lessons and perversions of lessons a man who claims Christianity as a driving force can claim, Obama has learned and mastered the one most truly salient to sprituality: Turn The Other Cheek. It’s what made his speech yesterday so powerful. He could have been indignant about the questions about Rev. Wright. He could have told us all to go to Hell (and I for one think he would have been well within his rights to). He could have pointed out that Republigoat Presumptive Nominee John McWeirdsmile messed his trousers over the endorsement of John Hagee and nobody so much as offered him a towel. He could have argued hotly for the secular commons (as did Kennedy), claiming his public position was irrelevant to what went on in his church. He could have spoken at all and waited for the great American brain damage to kick in, for it to be tossed aside with the next twelfth news cycle, for the next dumb invented shiny metal object to appear. He didn’t do any of that. Instead, he elevated the discourse; he caused it to transcend the question. And he did so without patting us on our little heads and without claiming to have lots of white friends, too. In this speech, as he so often does, Barack Obama turned the other cheek.

I’ve often daydreamed of a world in which we had an Executive on Sept. 11, 2001, who genuinely understood the power of turning the other cheek, a Commander-In-Chief who would insist—even in the face of the monumental pressure to react like savages—who would insist on more moderate, staid goals of pursuing justice and peace; who would not insist on using the attack as an excuse with drool on his fangs to invade and maim and kill and occupy; who would make far better use of the compassion dividend the world offered in the days following this heinous attack. Someone who could convince a vengance-starved America that a heinous attack does not automatically necessitate heinous reciprication; that a wiser road for America would be a renewed push on infrastructure and national industry and an international push for diplomacy and peace. Even “in a post 9-11 world,” bombs alone do not solve problems. Were that we had a President then who knew that.

The claim is that we are at war today, that we have been at war for five years today, and that we should continue to be at war, perhaps for another hundred years according to the presumptive Republigoat nominee, who, for the record, doesn’t know a Sunni from shinola. This ray of sunshine comes despite the fact that any and all rationales for the invasion and ongoing occupation of Iraq fell off the bedliner eons ago. There were no weapons. There is no link. It does not make us safer. And it was not really because we gave a crap about Halabja (if it were, we would have continued to the north to gird up for Kurdistan to declare its independence). No. The action in Iraq is stupid, was stupid, and will always be stupid. We should not have gone in, and some of us insisted on that from the start, I because I never saw a direct line from the attacks to the mustachioed wonder of Baghdad. And I’ve always marveled, if I knew better, and if my Congressman knew better, and if Barack Obama knew better, then what were the rest of these morons thinkin’?

It is time to leave Iraq. It is time to impeach and/or run out of town on a rail the bloodthirsty mongrels who got us in. It is time to declare the “war” on “terrorism” over and stupid and to wisen up our strategy toward the true threats in the world with the old 12-stepper mantra of “the wisdom to know the difference.” The fucktard who got us into this mess is limping and quacking and pooping his diapers to boot. Let’s us progressives bum rush the show and keep running.

March 18, 2008

They're Just Words

By Brady Bonk

March 17, 2008

Are You Experienced?

By Brady Bonk

We here at Crack Whores for Good Government hate to keep revisiting this goddamned ‘experience’ issue. But the fact is that there are so many ways that this charge against the senator from Illinois crumbles that it’s hard not to continue writing about it.

You see, on March 1, 2008, the Virginia Supreme Court issued a decision that makes all Virginians’ lives a little more difficult. State legislators here are utterly terrified of levying taxes to help pay for transportation infrastructure themselves, because, you know, taxes are evil and communistic and the market will make everything happen by magick, you damn hippies, so they established an “authority” to levy the taxes instead. The Virginia Supreme Court had a slight problem with the arrangment: The “authority” wasn’t elected, and therefore it cannot tax. Anotherwords, this appointed authority was not small-d democratically accountable to the people, so it does cannot constitutionally tax said the people.

Now. Hillary R. Clinton is running for President of the Untied States based largely on her “experience”—not her “experience” she accrued as a Untied States Senator, but her “experience” as First Lady. Let’s remember for a moment that “First Lady” is not an elected position, and that now a state Supreme Court has verified that whether or not one is elected to office makes a difference. Barack H. Obama, on the other hand, can claim to have been elected and reelected to office. In fact, when you hold up both CVs to the light, you see that he actually has twice as much experience in elected office than does she.

And experience in the state legislature is nothing to sneeze at. Illinois’ most recent budget came to $50 billion. State government is where a lot of the bricks-and-mortar issues, such as education, health care, roads and other infrastructure, are settled. (If you ever took Gargan‘s Municipal Government class, you’d understand this.) Frankly, experience in the state legislature is worth a hell of a lot more than eight years having schlepped straight to Washington just to fail spectacularly at reforming health care.

I’m telling you, kids. Hillary R. Clinton is running on a big wagon of horsepuckey.

March 14, 2008

Bob Graham is Smart

By Brady Bonk

“I don’t believe there is a school you can go to, to train to be commander-in-chief. I think the qualities you are looking for would include judgment, the willingness to surround yourself with strong people, listening to a diversity of ideas, and then forming a conclusion. I think curiosity is important. If there had been a little more curiosity in the fall 2002—if the questions had been asked—[it] would have raised a lot of suspicions. I think you have to look to see whether those qualities exist. And if they do, you have reason to believe that the person who has those qualities would become an effective commander-in-chief.”

Swiped from the Huffington Post.

So is Gregg Craig. I mean Craig Gregg. Whatever.

“The point that I am making is that her claims of the nature of that experience are overstated. The fact is she did not sit in on national security meetings. She did not have a security clearance. She did not attend meetings in the situation room. She conducted no negotiations. She did not manage any part of the national security bureaucracy. She did not have her own national security staff. That’s the fact. Now the experience that she did have—watching and sometimes sitting in the room where discussions were going on and also meeting heads of state and foreign ministers—that is good experience, and it’s invaluable to understanding how the world works when it comes to international organizations as well as international negotiations.”

3,987

By Brady Bonk

In light of a survey showing that the American public isn’t generally aware of the casualty count in Iraq, we here at Crack Whores for Good Government have decided that the most important link that can be placed is the new button at the upper right-hand of this fine Weblog, the Iraq Coalition Casualty Count. The “liberal media” may forget, and the general public may forget, but we’ve got to remember, got to remember that, as of today, 3,987 American deaths have been confirmed or await confirmation by the Department of Defense. This is an especially important number to keep track of in light of the new Pentagon report showing that there was never any connection, none whatsoever, between Saddam and those a-holes who turned said Pentagon into a square several years ago.. Time and time again, confirmation leaks out: The Untied States of America invaded and occupied a foreign land for no good god-damned reason and continues to squander lives and treasure beyond comprehension on it. It is unfathomable.

There is good news, though. Even Gen. Petraeus, patron saint of the surge, admits that political progress in occupied Iraq is sluggish.