February 29, 2008

Bless Her Heart

By Brady Bonk

What Else, Robin?

  • If you’re in the mood for a light, stupid movie this weekend and you’ve yet to see Mike Judge’s Idiocracy, then go get it. It’s utterly dumb, but it’s very funny, and it’s also an effective satiric commentary on the wicked spectre of unchecked corporatism. Brawndow’s got electrolytes. It’s got what plants crave.
Filed Under: Potpourri
February 28, 2008

Get Ready For The RNC To Use 'Hussein' in Obama's Name a LOT

By Brady Bonk

RNC denounces use of ‘Hussein’ in Obama’s name

(CNN) – Republican National Committee Chairman Mike Duncan formally denounced Thursday the Tennessee Republican Party’s use of Barack Obama’s full name in a recent press release questioning the Illinois senator’s commitment to Israel.

“The RNC rejects these kinds of campaign tactics,” RNC Chairman Mike Duncan said in a statement. “We believe this election needs to be about the critical issues confronting our nation.”

And, by the way, John McCain’s middle name is “Sidney.” And, oh yeah, he wasn’t even born in America.

What else, Robin?

  • MSNBC owes Hillary Clinton a cookie. Her weird meltdown last weekend made Tuesday’s debate—which I have not mentioned here because I have not felt like gloating—the most-watched debate EVAR—7.8 million people watched the thing—and the highest rating that cable network has evar seen. All were disappointed, however, when Hillary Clinton’s head did not actually turn all the way around, as we had expected it to.
  • I’ve mentioned the EdCast in a previous post. It’s a weird change for me, the erstwhile Air America Radio Associate, now stating a preference for the meat-eating, gun-toting leftie guy over many AAR programs. This week, Ed offers one very strong reason for this. This week, the AAR gliteratti are on a cruise at Cabo San Lucas, Mazatlan, and Puerto Vallarta. You know where Big Ed will be this week? Tejas. Where there’s ACTUALLY SOMETHING HAPPENING. The AAR rarely ever sends its hosts to the news, and it’s seemed to me a screwy thing to do to have a big promotional cruise that takes a majority of their talent off the air during primary season and when they can’t even keep a fella like Kent Jones around. Big Ed has taken his show to quite a few of these primary states. It seems to me that taking your show there can lend a talker quite a lot more cred then will working on your studio tan in New York. Things like this convince me that Ed, not AAR, is the future of the Moonbat Radio genre.
  • A shoutout to a new weblog I’ve come across, The Hillary 1000. I had commented there, and the admin rejected the comment. But, she wrote and told me why, which was awesome netiquette. Cheers.
February 25, 2008

Perhaps Not So Zany.

By Brady Bonk

From this morning’s edition of The Washington Post.

For Katrina Evacuees, A Chance to Be Heard
Their Votes May Be Pivotal in Texas

HOUSTON — In a cramped guard booth on the edge of a community of luxury townhouses, the sense of helplessness that has become so familiar to Gregory Sam since Hurricane Katrina uprooted him from his home town of New Orleans can become all-consuming.

“I’m struggling,” said Sam, 29, a college graduate who took an $8-an-hour post as a security guard after more than 20 job interviews led to nothing. “I feel like I’m isolated in the country somewhere . . . in a time warp.”

For the nearly quarter-million people such as Sam who were evacuated to Texas after the hurricane and its floodwaters left New Orleans devastated in 2005, powerlessness has been a constant theme, exacerbated by their reliance on goodwill and the government for help in starting over again. Angry at the Bush administration for failing them both before and after Katrina, many view the March 4 Democratic presidential primary as a chance to exert some control over their futures.

[ SNIP ]

In other bullshit:

  • I fully intend to watch the debate Tuesday, if for no other reason than that I’ve never actually witnessed someone’s eyeballs popping out of her head and smoke emanating from her ears. Sweet merciful crap, Britney Spears’ fall from grace achieved more aplomb than has Hillary Clinton’s.
  • Ralph who?
February 24, 2008

Here's What Happens

By Brady Bonk

On March 4, Barack Obama will win the Republic of Tejas with double digit margins. Unfortunately, Hillary Clinton will win Ohio by 5 or 6 points. Since she, not Obama, is actually the candidate “using tactics that are right out of Karl Rove’s playbook,” Hillary Clinton will follow this meek win with a barnburner of a speech, accepting her victory as ungraciously as she has accepted her defeats. She will act as if the Ohio win is a landslide national mandate for her to continue running. She will act as if that little primary over in Tejas never occurred. Obama will also pick off Vermont. I do not have an inkling about Rhode Island.

From then, the next remotely big contest is April 22, Pennsylvania (74 delegates), with Mississippi’s 39 delegates and the Virgin Islands’ 9 up in between. That means more than a month of dry campaigning, indeed, two months until Indiana and North Carolina offer up more than a hundred delegates on May 6. That’s two months in which John McCain gets to tool around the country looking presidential and accepting as much campaign dollar as is tossed at him, two months of relative peace on the Democratic side, for the Republigoats to grab the national spotlight, two uninterrupted months for McCain to kiss the asses of movement conservatives and to construct his coalition.

After the big Tejas debate, John Alter said Sen. Clinton had nothing left to do but to decide whether to go out classy, or to go out fighting. She has apparently decided, expressing fury Saturday that Barack Obama has opted to run on the issues. From the AP story:

“Hillary Rodham Clinton angrily accused her Democratic rival Saturday of deliberately misrepresenting her positions on NAFTA and health care in mass mailings to voters, adding, ‘Shame on you, Barack Obama.'”

She did. She actually said “shame on you.”

“Clutching two of Obama campaign mailings in her hand for emphasis, the former first lady said, ‘enough with the speeches and the big rallies and then using tactics that are right out of Karl Rove’s playbook.'”

As mentioned previously, the truth is that the one who’s seemed to stumbled onto that particular volume on eBay is Sen. Clinton. There are, however, multple problems: She’s not good enough at it; he’s too good at rising above it; and the voters are just too keen at discerning and despising such horseshit.

It is nearly ironic that Hillary Clinton is now attacking Barack Obama for insisting on running on issues. Would it have been better, Hill, had he placed fliers under windshield wipers with altered images of you getting it on with Sandra Bernhardt? No, of course not, because hyperbolic false outrage—covered in Section Seven of the Rove Playbook, “Hyperbolic False Outrage and Terri Schiavo, A Case Study”—can be drawn from any situation.

But my favorite part of this story is thus: “‘Meet me in Ohio,’ she said. ‘Let’s have a debate about your tactics and your behavior in this campaign.’ The two are scheduled to debate Tuesday in Cleveland.”

This shit just makes me laugh. It’s like yelling out an open window at a bar, come on, bitch, let’s step outside, you punk bitch, at a guy who’s been pacing out there for ten minutes with his sleeves rolled up waiting for you. But, again, this poltical tactic is covered in one of the last chapters of the Rove manual: “The Bald-Faced Recycling of Previously Failed Political Tactics.” Nobody in Wisconsin gave a crap about the claim that Obama would not debate her—he FACED her in Wisconsin. Now, here, she shadowboxes into the same argument, despite the fact that the debate is already set. Good show!

I do not like the Clinton campaign, and I do not think many voters do, either. She has lied, she has opporunistically mischaracterized her opponent’s position, she has used false outrage and false conciliation, she has shown a willingness to change the rules mid-contest, she seemed early to lean on inevitability and she seems now late to have been completely unprepared for a serious challenge that would require endurance. She has made the weird political calculation that it is a good idea to run against hope and change. I think that her campaign’s behavior and its continued drive for the nomination reduces the chances for Democratic success every single day. What’s more, I do not think that Hillary Clinton can beat John McCain in November, whereas I think that Barack Obama will beat his ass. I think Sen. Obama will eventually get the nomination, but, I think that thanks to Sen. Clinton, he’ll be showing up a little late and shaken.

Oddly enough, the man who has most succinctly summed up this race is Alec Baldwin, who recently wrote at HuffPo: “What Mrs. Clinton has that Mr. Obama does not have, Mr. Obama can get. What Mr. Obama has that Mrs. Clinton does not have, she can never get.”

I think (plagiarising now from Big Eddie Schultz) it’s time for some of the Democratic heavy hitters, such as Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Al Gore, some of the now vanquished candidates, and whoever else, to sit down with the Clinton campaign and to ask them very directly, how do you intend to defeat Barack Obama? And I think if the answer isn’t cohesive or believable enough, I think it’s time for the party to lean on the Clinton campaign to get the hell out and to throw support to the man who’s won the last 11 contests, who has won many of them largely with double-digit margins, who has won many of them largely with record voter turnouts. Barack Obama should be our nominee. Now.

February 22, 2008

How Hillary Clinton Could Decimate Obama In Tejas.

By Brady Bonk

It is my zany notion that Hillary Clinton could really bring it to Barack and could redirect the national spotlight to a place that really could use it right about now all in one shot. Bear in mind, the idea comes from left field. But I think it could save her candidacy.

Mrs. Clinton should spend at least a third of the time she’s got left to campaign in Tejas and Ohio in New Orleans.

Think about it, kids. To where did they relocate approximately 230,000 people in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina? Sure, many of those ended up elsewhere, but you can bet there are a lot of Tejas voters with first-hand horror stories about Katrina. Mrs. Clinton, a day or three with you in the press doing Habitat for Humanity type work in New Orleans would certainly win you those votes—not to mention how much it would help shore up your Q score. And talk about an action that would make you appear not to be a Washington insider. And the message it sends, it would resonate, perhaps all the way up to Cuyahoga County, and beyond.

Not to mention that, perhaps, it would be nice if NOLA got a little light shown on it again? It’s not been rebuilt, it’s down by a third of its size, and it’s been pissed on by disaster capitalists. Yeah. You want action over talk, Mrs. Clinton? Let’s you take a day or three out of your campaign and spend it in the Big Easy. Eh?

I told you it was a zany idea.

In other bullshit:

  • Who won last night’s “debate” in Tejas? Hillary Clinton. Certainly. The bad news for Mrs. Clinton, however, is that Barack Obama didn’t lose. She needed him to lose the debate more than she needed to win it, so I don’t think she comes out of it any better off than before. And, by the way, if you didn’t believe how badly voters are pining for change, see how the crowd rose up and snarled when she said her bullshit “Xerox” line. I think eight years under Chimpy and Fartblossom have made voters more keen than ever at sniffing out and despising cheap shots and bullshit. I’m not saying the Obama camp hasn’t leveled some stinkers too, but the cornered Clinton has of late unleashed a plethora. But this is not the political environment in which to play dirty. I predict continued success for Obama. Unless, of course, Mrs. Clinton is a KIAV reader and takes my advice.
  • Harry Truman always wanted to find a one-armed economist because he was tired of hearing “on the other hand…”
  • An unsolicited opinion for fans of moonbat radio: The best podcast in the business is, hands down, that of The Ed Schultz Show. I can understand if you’re not a fan of Big Ed’s, but if you want a podcast that is reliable, timely, and of consistently good quality, get the Edcast. Schultz broadcasts from noon to 3 p.m., but the first hour of his show is reliably ready for your listening pleasure by 2 p.m. That’s a hell of a lovely difference from the Air America Premium, which is often posts very late and delivers crappy, basement bit-rate files. Also very good quality and reliability is the Stephcast.
February 21, 2008

A Tin Foil Beanie Perspective On The McCain Story

By Brady Bonk

Let’s pretend that I’m a Republigoat strategist of some kind, a real movement conservative, maybe a Huckaboo fan, maybe even somewhat of an Arthur Dimmesdale “more weight” kind of guy. And I am very concerned that there’s not enough talk going on in this campaign about a certain bereted cheeky brunette and her kneepads, because I’m deluded into thinking that people actually care about Monigate even though President Clinton’s favorables jumped 10 points on impeachment day. Now I know there’s a story about this cute little Cindy McCain clone. I don’t believe it’s got legs strong enough to actually hurt our presumptive nominee, but I’m willing to float it just to mess with him anyway because I just don’t think McCain believes in Jesus enough, and besides, I know it will do more harm than good when it floats downstream. So I go to the NYT, but I keep them on the hook until the guy has his toes firmly in the rock. I withhold her name, or that picture of the hickey on McCain’s neck, or some such detail; I want them champing at the bit when I’m ready. So, when John is the presumptive Republigoat nominee, and when Barry also has a whiff of inevitability, a thick manila envelope shows up at the NYT. They’re so freaked out to publish by now that they zoom it to the Web immediately. The story goes up, and my man McCain, aware that you either bat these away or you get beaned by them, has a press conference the next morning. The séance has begun. McCain denies the story, and, to my delight, he even waggles his finger a little. At the next debate, Wolf Blitzer constructs a question regarding this issue to Hillary Clinton, and she is forced to either sidestep the question or to once again address her husband’s peccadillo of a decade ago. As an added bonus, Blitzer feels obliged to somehow address the issue with Obama, which begins to raise questions about this tall, handsome, charismatic black man’s ability to be faithful. If I’m lucky, it might even rattle a skeleton or two in Obama’s closet. An ancillary benefit of this offal I’ve floated downstream is that I have single-handedly trained the camera back onto the Republigoats, where it belongs. Instead of talking about Obama’s ten victories in a row or superdelegates or plagiarism or experience or whatever, they’re talking about Republigoats, and the people are wiping the glaze from their eyeballs because, well, it’s about sexual intercourse. Another ancillary benefit to my gambit: The people are disimbued of any notion they might have had that the elder McCain has any trouble whatsoever getting it up. Yes, this story might just help narrow the virility gap as well as making the evil Hillary Clinton face once again the spectre of Monigate. I have accomplished all this, and, because I have floated the story about my own guy, I have not left any fingerprints.

Far-fetched?

(This post was green-lit at The Smirking Chimp.)

February 20, 2008

10

By Brady Bonk

You’d have thought I was rooting for a football team last night when NBC reported the Obama win in sunny Wisconsin. Going in, I thought it’d be a squeaker, but 58 to 47 percent, that isn’t a squeaker. Hawaii was just cake on the icing.

So then out comes Hillary Clinton in sunny Youngstown, pulling the Tom Delay Mug Shot trick. Just smile winningly and pretend you’re not under arrest/losing. It seems to me that, unfortunately, Hillary Clinton’s campaign has learned a lot from the likes of Delay and Fartblossom and the rest of them. I mean, look, a campaign arguing that beautiful oratory is a political liability has either lost its damned mind, or it’s bought Fartblossom’s playbook on the eBay. Oh, look, on page one, this is a good one: Attack your opponent’s strengths. Get me a highlighter!

Someone forgot to mention to Mrs. Clinton and her handlers that her Democrats aren’t “it’s got what plants crave” idiots. We’ve seen at least 12 straight years of this same miserable horseshit, starting with watching them drag her husband through the cactus patch, and we don’t want it anymore. I don’t want to elect a candidate who drums up baseless and irrelevant charges of plagiarism. I don’t want to elect a candidate who pledged to eschew Michigan and Florida delegates in her “inevitable” period but now wants to seat them, no questions asked. I don’t want to elect a candidate who opportunistically jumps on slight sentence misconstructions in debate and tries to run the week’s news cycle with it. I don’t want to elect a candidate who won’t concede defeat (he toys with making an obscure reference to the ancient childrens’ cartoon “Fat Albert,” but abstains). I will expect such tactics from Republigoat McCain—who apparently is certain Obama is the nominee—but I do not think they are of any use here in our house, here in the Democratic primaries. I do not want to elect a candidate who seems willing to win at any cost, and that is what I’ve observed in the Clinton campaign.

Nonetheless, thankfully, the point becomes more moot with every contest.

February 18, 2008

Let's Do A Do-Over, At Least in Florida

By Brady Bonk

As you know: The Florida State Legislature at some point voted to move the Florida primary to Jan. 29, and the Democratic Party told Florida to Sit On It. The Democrats tried to go back to the State Legislature to get it changed BACK, and, guess what? Florida Republigoats pointed at them and laughed.

As “plagiarized” from the Big Ed Show today: The Democratic Party should pay to hold another vote, at least in Florida, just on sheer principle, just to fight Republigoat intereference in the Democratic democratic process. Do-over!

February 15, 2008

Compare & Contrast

By Brady Bonk

February 14, 2008

Based on a True Story

By Brady Bonk

The Republigoat Congressman left the hall after having called a procedural vote during a memorial for the late Rep. Tom Lantos. The man approached him with his box.

“Here,” said the man. “Poop in this.”

“What?” asked the Congressman. “Why would I poop into that?”

“Because this box is magic. Because if you poop into this box, your guys will rule the White House for 100 years and eventually do away with the three branches government completely, replacing it with a wholly theocratic corporate fascist state run exclusively by the cloned polyp cells of Jeb Bush,” said the man.

“Wow, that sounds great!” said the Republigoat Congressman. He yanked down his pants. Then he heard a whimper from the inside. “What’s in the box?”

“Puppies,” said the man.

“Puppies?”

“Puppies.”

The Republigoat Congressman shrugged and dropped a nice big load into the box.

Filed Under: Potpourri