May 29, 2007

A Republigoat Has A Good Idea

By Brady Bonk

Paul Wolfowitz may have been ousted from his post at the World Bank, but a free-speaking GOP lawmaker has an idea to keep the so-called “architect” of the Iraq War from standing in the unemployment line.”I would like to suggest…that maybe we give Paul Wolfowitz a new job and send him over [to Iraq] as mayor,” said Rep. Walter Jones, R-N.C., “since the neocons got us in over there.”

Right on.

Hello again, world!

By Brady Bonk

There are a few changes being made here at the KIAV.

For starters, I have managed to decide that we’d be much happier as a dot-net than as a dot-com. This is primarily because of the availability of the companion “kiav.net,” a shorter, sweeter address that will be especially good for e-mail. Therefore, this blog is now available at ketchupisavegetable.com, ketchupisavegetable.net, and kiav.net.

I have also, for the time being, settled upon a reasonable nom-de-web for this space: “Brady Bonk.” Yes, it is silly, the name itself and the fact that I feel the need to take on a pseudonym, but I do, considering that this webspace does not pay the rent. The nice thing about the new pen name is that it incorporates a family name and a goofy name that I’ve actually known two people to have had. 

Enough of the administrative noats…

Filed Under: Uncategorized
May 23, 2007

She’s a Pistol

By Brady Bonk

Several years ago, a young woman in Washington, D.C., apparently became concerned that her boss was looking a little like a deer in headlights in the funny papers. So she spent $8,000 and covered up the boobies on the Spirit of Justice.

That was the recent report in National Journal’s “Inside Washington,” that it was Monica Goodling, who in my humble opinion is the one who ought to be named the “American Idol,” because boy, she sure can sing, who was responsible for covering up the boobies. I’m wondering if that was something she learned at Liberty University. Because she certainly didn’t spend her time there learning about the law.

Listen to this. Just listen to it. It is, without a doubt, the most sparkling example I’ve ever seen in current events of something I refer to as an “if it weren’t for my horse.”* Don’t—don’t think about it for more than three minutes or blood will shoot out your nose:

*

Rep. Bobby Scott (D-VA): Do you believe that they were legal or illegal for you to take those political considerations in mind? Not whether they were legal or illegal, what do you believe? Do you believe that they were illegal?

Goodling: I don’t believe I intended to commit a crime.

*

I’m gonna repeat that because it bears repeating. “I don’t believe I intended to commit a crime.”
*

Scott: Did you break the law? Was it against the law to take those political considerations into account? You’ve got civil service laws. You’ve got obstruction of justice. Were there any laws that you could have broken by taking political considerations into account, quote, on some occasions?

Goodling: The best I can say is that I know I took political considerations into account on some occasions.

Scott: Was that legal?

Goodling: Sir, I’m not able to answer that question. I know I crossed the line.

Scott: What line—legal?

Goodling: I crossed the line of the civil service rules.

Scott: Rules? Laws. You crossed the law on civil service laws. You crossed the line on civil service laws, is that right?

Goodling: I believe I crossed the lines. But I didn’t mean to. I mean, I…

*

Do yourself a favor. Stand up. Do a few arm circles and touch your toes. Do not think too hard on this right now, because if you do, at the end of the week, they’ll find you dead in your bathroom.

Remember, Monica Goodling worked in the executive office of the United States Attorney General’s office and had accrued authority in that office to make vital personnel decisions. She was quite a powerful person in this town. And she looked a Congressman in the eye and said, essentially, “Oopsie doopsie!” I reckon that’s what you get when you, um, allow a formerly coked-up, drunk frat boy to steal the White House.

I’ve not been to law school. But it seems to me that one of the first things they might do is to slap a little Joe Friday on you. You know. “Ignorance of the law is no excuse.” With a footnote: ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU WORK IN THE EXECUTIVE OFFICES OF THE UNITED STATES ATTORNEY GENERAL’S OFFICE!  

* Please see bullet point #2 at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lewis_Black#Comedic_style

Filed Under: Uncategorized
May 16, 2007

Faceless

By Brady Bonk

From ABC News:

“World Bank officials say the bank’s board is completing an ‘exit strategy’ that will allow World Bank President Paul Wolfowitz to resign this afternoon and ‘still save some face’ over the issue of his efforts to seek a promotion and pay raise for his girlfriend at the bank.”

“Save face?” If “face” is the issue for Wolfowits, then how does anyone even recognize him anymore? There is no face left. He was handed a spiffy job as commander of a crystal palace making more money per year than many folks earn in a decade, this in reward for heading up one of the most disasterous foreign policy decisions EVAR MADE within the confines of the Milky Way. But he couldn’t even maintain something so gooey and sweet as all of that. No, no, of course not. Because a former official of the current president’s administration wouldn’t look all of that over and think, well, this is very nice, I wonder what productive thing I can do with it. No, no. This khazer looked it over and said, what else can we wring out of it for us? Because to these folks, that’s what such institutions are for.

Paul Wolfowits could be chained to a tree in a bra and panties with the word “fart” drawn on his chest in lipstick and have key lime pies thrown at his balls by a bunch of third graders and manage to withdraw from that situation with more “face.” This is a man who is supposed to carry some level of gravitas in Washington, a man nearly 65 years old who has probably worn ties to his job every day of his life, a man who has testified before Congress numerous times, a former teacher of political science at Yale, who is being drummed out of his job because he tried to set his girlfriend up with mo’ cheddar. Then, he tried to BLAME HER FOR IT and bascically called her a PMS case in front of God and everybody. 

There is no “face” left for Paul Wolfowits.  

Filed Under: Uncategorized
May 15, 2007

God Will Not Be Mocked

By Brady Bonk

I will never forget as I was coming of age politically in college, the best political slogan I’ve every seen, aside of course from “Ed Meese Is A Pig.”

It was spray painted on a sidewalk brick at front campus, Ohio University.

“The Moral Majority is Neither.”

Let’s all remember our friend in Christ, Jerry Falwell.  

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Something Tells Me That Paul Wolfowits Won’t Be Getting Any Tonight

By Brady Bonk

From the WashPo:

“Wolfowitz effectively blamed Riza for his predicament as well, saying that her ‘intractable position’ in demanding a salary increase as compensation for her career disruption forced him to grant one to pre-empt a lawsuit. He is scheduled to appear before the board this afternoon. The board is expected to begin deliberating on how to respond as soon as tonight. Board members are inclined to issue a resolution expressing a lack of confidence in Wolfowitz’s leadership, senior bank officials said.”

In other news, why doesn’t this seem very surprising?

“These actions manifest a lack of understanding for and a disregard for the institution as a public international organization…”

Really? Paul Wolfowits? A “manifest lack of understanding?” Disregard for an institution as a public international organization? Seriously? Get OUT! No way! Say it ain’t so, Joe! You’re joshin’ me! You’re jivin’ me! You’re putting me on!

Filed Under: Uncategorized
May 9, 2007

In Which John McCain Tries Out A New Campaign Tactic

By Brady Bonk

I think McCain has ascertained that, if butchering the English language*, using oversized hyperbole, and grinning inappropriately have worked this long for the current president, maybe he’d give it a try.

* You see, normally, one says he’ll follow so-and-so to the gates of Hell, so-and-so is somebody one admires, respects, trusts, and adores.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Wolfie, Ya Got Spunk. I Hate Spunk.

By Brady Bonk

It’s not a long walk from the White House to the World Bank. Four, maybe six blocks. Apparently, it’s not that long a walk from schumuck to khazer, either.

When he worked for the current president, Paul Wolfowitz was merely a schmuck. He was one of the earliest and squeakiest voices advocating the invasion of Iraq. Let’s put it this way: Wolfowitz was pro-Iraq invasion before it was cool. He looked a Congressional committee square in the eyeball and said the war wouldn’t cost us one thin dime.

I think he lowballed it a little.

For all of this, Paul Wolfowitz was a schmuck. But for his World Bank troubles, Wolfowitz has certainly crossed the line and become a khazer. And, notice, that it’s now, when he’s knee deep in his own trouble, now he’s concerned with the fairness of the process.

His luck should be as bright as a new moon.