Boehner's Boner

I’m gonna stand with you and all freedom-loving Americans against this [health care] bill…this is my copy of the Constitution, and I’m gonna stand here with our Founding Fathers who wrote in the preamble: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
—Senate Minority Leader John Boehner
November 5, 2009

Any United States legislator who claims to be quoting the Constitution but who is actually quoting the Declaration of Independence should be forced out of office IMMEDIATELY. Assuming, that is, that he doesn’t have the decency and shame to resign on his own.

No. Not enough. He should be plopped on a donkey backwards with a bucket on his head and trotted to the city limits.

Senate rules must be amended immediately. This is inexcusable.

Comedian John Boehner

Here’s something to know about news reporters: When you put a document in front of a reporter and you tell him it’s a “budget,” the first thing the reporter is going to do is to rifle through it wanting to look at the numbers. He might start, for instance, by flipping to the back and checking out the bottom line and to try to get a sense of what is the projected income versus projected expenditure. He’ll be looking for sore thumbs, too, new programs or drastic cuts or increases, for instance. You know. Looking for “stories.” As reporters are wont to do.

So when Congressman John Boner of sunny Ohio got a group of reporters into a room yesterday and introduced them to a 19-page document of vague notions with no numbers, and when the first thing the reporters said was hey, where’s the details, and when John Boner then held up his flimsy document and gives the press his best “this one goes to eleven,” well gravity’s pull*, that shit made PB and I laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.

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That’s one funny fucker right there. That’s why we’ve added a brand new category just for him: Comedian John Boehner.

*By the way, I’ll be explaining this little vanity as part of the Blog Against Theocracy blogswarm.