April 12, 2010

Creigh Deeds Waxes Philosophical…and Wrong

By Brady Bonk

The Washington Post and Shitty Corporate Mouthpiece today offered a weird little profile about failed gubernatorial candidate Creigh Deeds. The profile says that Deeds has since kept his head low, has kept generally quiet aside from being laughed at by Stephen Colbert, that he’s been “down in the dumps” regarding his loss, and that Deeds has opened up his pie-hole and has wholly swallowed the conventional wisdom regarding his loss here in sunny Virginia.

Outside events, such as Scott Brown’s stunning Senate upset in Massachusetts, lent credence to the view that Deeds’s loss owed something to a powerful change in the nation’s political atmosphere.

“I don’t think Jesus Christ could have won that race in Virginia if he had been a Democrat,” said Robert J. Taylor, a lawyer in Delaware who attended college with Deeds. But Taylor said that when he thinks of Deeds, he thinks of a Hank Williams Jr. song: “A Country Boy Can Survive.”

This is of course incorrect. Had a Democrat run in Virginia as a Democrat, he would have had a real shot. Deeds ran as a Republigoat-Lite.

Look, we can sit here and quote Harry Truman until we’re blue in the face. That doesn’t mean anyone’s going to actually listen:

If a voter has a choice between a Republican and a Democrat who acts like a Republican, he’ll vote for the Republican every time.

This is especially true today, when the GOOP has chosen to turn its back on true conservatism to instead suck the knee-high leather boot of corporate globalism. I still say a real Democrat could have soundly capitalized on the Obama-mentum that was Virginia 2008.

We also learned that Creigh Deeds is one of those people who does not actually understand what the phrase “sour grapes” actually means.

Nearing the session’s midpoint, Deeds gave his first floor speech, denouncing efforts to block the federal health-care law in Virginia. Deeds said he had his reasons for holding his tongue earlier.

“It’d be too easy for me to be slamming the governor,” Deeds said. “People would just say, ‘Oh, well. It’s Deeds. It’s sour grapes.’ “

No, you fucktard. “Sour grapes” would have been saying “Screw it, I didn’t want to be governor anyway.” I really wish people would take the time to actually understand the English language before they go about attempting to use it.

I’m sorry, but Scott Brown and Bob McDonnell didn’t win because of some national sea change politically. They lost because in both races the Democrats ran shitty, suck-ass candidates. Run a good Democrat who’s serious about winning and you’ll have Republigoats stumping with brown stains on their trousers.

Filed Under: Virginia
April 8, 2010

Pickett's Charge

By Brady Bonk

Today, in an ongoing effort to help Virginia Gov. Bog McDonnell celebrate Confederacy Appreciation Month, we’d like to take a moment to remember Confederate Gen. George Pickett.

Pickett, who was a Confederate general, did I say that already? was perhaps one of the biggest losers of the entire whole Civil War and therefore is an excellent representative of the entire Confederacy, which, as we covered here previously, LOST the war. He is also a suitable mascot for McDonnell’s Confederacy Appreciation Month because he was born in that losing side’s capital city of Richmond.

Essentially, Pickett’s division showed up at Gettysburg on that battle’s second day, July 2, 1863. Gen. Lee had been unable to move the Union army, so his plan was to swamp them with three military divisions. Pickett’s division and a few other brigades flanked the right and got their asses kicked. From the Wiki:

Pickett’s Charge was a bloodbath. While the Union lost about 1,500 killed and wounded, the Confederate casualties were several times that, so that over 50% of the men sent across the fields were killed or wounded. Pickett’s three brigade commanders and all 13 of his regimental commanders were casualties. Kemper was wounded, and Garnett and Armistead did not survive. Trimble and Pettigrew were the most senior casualties, the former losing a leg and the latter wounded in the hand and dying during the retreat to Virginia. Pickett himself has received some historical criticism for surviving the battle personally unscathed, but his position well to the rear of his troops (probably at the Codori farm on the Emmitsburg Road) was command doctrine at the time for division commanders.

Pickett would later go on to command troops at Appomattox. Where he was present to help Lee surrender.

As if “Pickett’s Charge” weren’t bad enough:

On April 1, 1865 his troops were attacked at Five Forks while he was two miles away enjoying a shad bake with Generals Fitzhugh Lee and Thomas Rosser. Atmospheric conditions muffled the sounds of battle so they remained unaware of it until they returned. By that time it was too late, and the final defeat of Confederate forces was all but complete.

Sorry I wasn’t here to watch you get massacred, fellas. I was eating fish.

Pickett later fled to Canada for a while. Then he returned to Richmond, became an insurance salesman (ISYN) and died.

Happy Confederacy Appreciation Month!

April 7, 2010

Let's Commemorate The Confederacy Right

By Brady Bonk

Elections have consequences.

We’ve certainly seen that statement ring true here in Virginia. Since the Democrats decided that they didn’t really care about winning the governor’s seat in 2008 and ran a candidate against Bob McDonnell who hadn’t been able to successfully defeat him for attorney general, we’ve seen the McDonnell administration do everything it can to reinstate discriminating against homosexuals in the state, and we’ve seen them submit perhaps the stupidest budget this side of the Mississippi. Now, though, with this whole Confederacy Appreciation Month proclamation doohickey, I think that Bob McDonnell has really hit on something. And I’d like to help, I hope with the help of my Dear Old Dad, who’s read more about the Civil War than I’ve ever read about everything.

I thought I would start with this commemoration of Confederacy Appreciation Month with a lovely quote from Southern historian Shelby Foote:

I think that the North fought that war with one hand behind its back…If there had been more Southern victories, and a lot more, the North simply would have brought that other hand out from behind its back. I don’t think the South ever had a chance to win that War.

That’s right, I’d like to start my commemoration of Bob McDonnell’s Republigoat Confederacy Appreciation Month by noting as blithely as I can that the Confederacy LOST. And it didn’t just lose. It got its ASS KICKED. HA HA. HA HA HA. Suck on that, you hillbilly crackers.

Yep. On April 9, 1865, Robert E. Lee SURRENDERED to Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox. Lee was all like, “sorry, dude. I suck.” And Grant was all like “Yeah, dude. You do suck. And I’m so cool, BOOYAH!” And then Grant was all like, dude, you gotta wear a funny hat now and sit in the corner! And you gotta lick my taint! C’mon, Bobby! Lick it! Lick my taint! BOOYAH!

That is exactly what happened. And I am so glad that our wonderful governor here in Virginia has offered us the opportunity to commemorate historic events. We shall endeavor perhaps in future days to discuss a few other historic moments to help him celebrate Confederacy Appreciation Month as we go.

March 16, 2010

Virginia's Temporary Sanity

By Brady Bonk

Something happened to me yesterday morning that I never thought would.

I SWAPPED open the front page of yesterday’s The Washington Post and Shitty Corporate Mouthpiece, and what was written there made me laugh. Not just a tee-hee, but a full-out belly laugh. And the thing I was laughing at had nothing to do with Jon Edwards’ love child.

No, friends. Yesterday, I laughed my fool head off at a budget story.

This has never happened to me before, and I find it unlikely that it will ever happen again.

Virginia’s 2010 budget is has the fine distinction of being simultaneously a disaster and a joke. Here are some details, with emphasis provided upon the most egregious detail:

Funding for schools will drop $646 million over the next two years; the state will also cut more than $1 billion from health programs. Class sizes will rise. A prison will close, judges who die or retire won’t be replaced and funding for local sheriff’s offices will drop 6 percent.

Only 250 more mentally disabled adults will receive money to get community-based services, in a state where the waiting list for such services numbers 6,000 and is growing. Employees will take a furlough day this year, the state will borrow $620 million in cash from its retirement plan for employees and future employees will be asked to retire later and contribute more to their pensions.

That. Is apeshit. Insane. Virginia is slashing health programs and education. And it’s going to float the state on the backs of its workers, raiding pension funds, an idea that always works so well in the corporate world.

But. Here is my favorite part of the story.

“We tried to keep our word,” said House Majority Leader H. Morgan Griffith (R-Salem). “We knew times were tough, but the state has to live within its means, just as families have to live within theirs.”

Shrug. Oh, well. Tough shit for everyone.

I’m noticing a pattern when it comes to “conservatives.” They are fond of anthropomorphizing. A zygote is a person. Corporations are people. And now, the state of Virginia is a “family.”

But. It is not a family. It is a governmental entity. As such, the state of Virginia does not get its money by working, as does a family. The state of Virginia gets its money via taxation, like it or not. And, in order to stick to what I consider to be a cynical promise about taxes, this administration is determined to relegate the state to being stupider, sicker, and broker, not to mention one that shuns queers and continues with the outlandish charge that the President is not an American citizen.

Stay classy, Virginia!

Filed Under: Virginia
March 11, 2010

Yes, Virginia, There Are Homosexuals

By Brady Bonk

Hey, Virginia. Meet me at camera 3.

What the hell are you so surprised about?

August 30, 2009. The Washington Post and Shitty Corporate Mouthpiece reports:

At age 34, two years before his first election and two decades before he would run for governor of Virginia, Robert F. McDonnell submitted a master’s thesis to the evangelical school he was attending in Virginia Beach in which he described working women and feminists as “detrimental” to the family. He said government policy should favor married couples over “cohabitators, homosexuals or fornicators.” He described as “illogical” a 1972 Supreme Court decision legalizing the use of contraception by unmarried couples.

Nobody in Virginia should now be surprised that the McDonnell administration is moving to undo protections against discrimination for gay people in the state. Nobody.

Not to mention, nobody should be surprised that McDonnell’s horrible, shitty, no-good ideas that he trumpeted on the campaign trail to fix Virginia’s transportation infrastructure aren’t going anywhere. They were horrible, shitty, no-good ideas, and I told you they were goddamnit.

There is nothing surprising about this Republigoat governor. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. He ran as a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Why is everyone acting so surpised that he’s a god-damned wolf?

Filed Under: LBGT Rights,Virginia
February 17, 2010

Duh Der Doy Duh

By Brady Bonk

The Washington Post today editorializes about Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell’s seeming inelegance on budget issues early in his term. One note in particular caught my eye:

We’d ask the same question about his much-vaunted transportation plan. The governor said he would raise hundreds of millions of dollars to build roads by selling off state-run liquor stores. But at his urging, a bill in the legislature to do just that was killed last week. The probable reason? Profits from such liquor stores go directly into the state’s coffers, to the tune of about $100 million a year. Mr. McDonnell, having promised to tackle Virginia’s transportation funding crisis in his first year in office, still has time. What Virginians have yet to see are viable ideas that will yield cash for a transportation budget whose construction funds are just about gone.

I had previously seen estimates of $180 million a year, actually. It appears we’re not the only ones here at the imaginary think-tank of Crack Whores for Good Government who noticed that Virginia had heard a man offer to gut a golden goose and decided it sounded like a pretty cool idea to them and made that guy the Governor.

As The Washington Post basically said today, how are you going to fix transportation in Virginia now, Bobby?

Filed Under: Atlas Farted,Virginia
November 2, 2009

Old McDonnell is a Privatizing Maniac…E-I-E-I-O

By Brady Bonk

Papa Bonk has a theory that the polls here in sunny Virginia aren’t as accurate as they could be. Back in the day, PB predicted the stunning victory here of one Lawrence Douglas Wilder. He thinks Mr. Deeds’ efforts might be better rewarded here than common wisdom foresees, for the same reason he picked Wilder back then: Women.

PB’s theory, if I am paraphrasing correctly, is that McDonnell’s thesis from year ago is nothing to sneeze at, that it may indeed cost McDonnell votes and/or drive votes to Deeds, in the form of female voters coming out in droves. One can hope. But I for one am not as concerned about McDonnell’s obsession with women’s health as I am with McDonnell’s obsession with privatizing government.

Quoted in The Washington Post today, on a story lamenting the candidates’ failure as the campaign wraps up to explain how they intend to get Virginia out of its economic slump:

It takes leadership to get it done. I think we need to have government run a little more like business, with private-sector initiatives, more innovation, more consolidation.

These Untied States of America have just lived through eight years of an executive who believed fervently in outsourcing government. One of the biggest failures this country has witnessed in the past decade, the incursion into the formerly sovreign nation of Iraq, was largely a failure because of the ‘roid-raging injection into that nation of super-duper private enterprise. This country’s economy has just barely survived one of the worst economic crises since the times of my grandparents, largely due to the greedy lack of foresight by people in the private sector. We are neck-deep right now in a debate over health care, a debate that pretty much starts at ground zero with the assertion that private enterprise is failing us miserably in our efforts to care for our sick people.

And this butthole thinks the answer is to run government “a little more like business?”

I hope you’re right, PB. The last thing Virginia needs is a dog-eared-Fountainhead-carrying-Robbie-Gould asshat to be its governor.

Filed Under: Atlas Farted,Virginia
October 25, 2009

Uh…Don't Blame Me. I Voted Moran.

By Brady Bonk

The Virginian-Pilot today eviscerates the two morons who have been jockeying for your vote for Governor of the Commonwealth:

By the time Virginia’s new governor takes his oath of office, the state’s long-term road and transit budget will be $4.6 billion poorer than it was last spring. Virginia is dismembering not just its transportation future, but its economic future at a pace few voters will comprehend until the damage is irreversible.

In braver days, the crisis might have transformed the 2009 election into a season of renewal and resolve. Instead, the two gubernatorial candidates have twisted it into a season of equivocation and insipidity.

This is an excellent editorial that somewhat reluctantly endorses Deeds. I also like how the first graf encapsulates the insane position this state puts itself in. Thanks to Mama Bonk for the catch.

Filed Under: Virginia
October 21, 2009

Don't Blame Me. I Voted For Brian Moran.

By Brady Bonk

Here’s a question: Why in the wide wide world of sports did this stupid Virginia Democratic party nominate/elect a fellow to run against Bob McDonnell who didn’t know how to defeat McDonnell for attorney general in 2005?

That seems pretty stupid to me. Am I wrong?

Could that perhaps explain why Deeds is polling at 42 percent and why McDonnell is polling at 51 percent? Because we hired a guy to do a job he’s already failed miserably at, as in, defeating Bob McDonnell in a political contest?

Good lord. The Democrats are going to take a beat-down here.

October 15, 2009

Chicago and the Privatization Scam

By Brady Bonk

Anyone who still thinks Bob McDonnell has a good idea to solve Virginia’s transportation woes by selling off the liquor stores for $500 million—a price that seems pathetically low, considering that the stores generate $180 million annually to the general fund—should peek at what happened to Chicago and its parking meters.

Chicago parking meters went private in February. Chicago Parking Meters LLC, majority-owned by Morgan Stanley infrastructure investment funds, paid $1.15 billion for a 75-year lease to run the 36,000 parking meters.

It’s not much of a surprise what happened next.

Parking rates jacked way up. Broken meters. Ticketing cars parked at broken meters. Then, of course, accountability for problems shuffled off onto unelected people.

As documented by the Chicago Reader, this was a dirty shit deal from the start. But here’s the real kicker: A report by the city’s inspector general says the city would have raised $974 million more if it had kept the parking meters and raised prices.

So, let’s see. It works less effectively. It costs more. It invites unscrupulous actors. It gouges the people.

Yes, privitazation always solves everything!

Filed Under: Atlas Farted,Virginia